0:01 Hi everyone, welcome back to the Change Your Mind podcast where we explore the intersection between personal development, spirituality and science.
0:09 Really excited for our guest today.
0:11 We are going to talk all about Tantra and, different intimacy tools.
0:16 But first, a couple of quick announcements.
0:18 If you head to the links in the show notes, you will find a link from my book, Change Your Mind to Change Your Reality.
0:24 It was endorsed by three experts from the film The Secret,, Bob Doyle, Marcy Shimoff, Michael Beckwith.
0:30 It was also endorsed by John Gray, who wrote Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Anita Morgianni, lots of others.
0:36 Go.
0:37 Check it out.
0:37 You can get it everywhere you get your books.
0:39 , you'll also find links to my free master class that I give every couple of weeks on releasing debilitating emotional stress from your life so that you can heal and live your life purpose.
0:52 You'll also find info from my courses, ways to connect with me on social media, and of course you'll find links from my amazing guests as well.
1:00 And finally, this podcast is part of the Los Angeles Tribune podcast network, really focused on personal development.
1:07 There's lots of cool stuff, lots of amazing podcasts within the network.
1:10 So go check it all out as well.
1:13 Hi, I'm Kris.
1:15 When I was younger, I went through trauma that caused me to feel broken and lost.
1:19 But my life changed after I had a spiritual awakening.
1:23 Since then, I've dedicated my life to studying and learning from masters all around the world that have helped me to create a life of fulfillment and abundance beyond my wildest dreams.
1:33 Now I'm dedicated to sharing everything I've learned so that you don't have to suffer for decades like I did.
1:38 I've seen people's lives completely transformed, and I share it all right here.
1:45 All right, so I'm excited.
1:47 Today I have with me Steve Bourne.
1:49 So Steve is an intimacy mentor who specializes in fostering intimacy for couples and individuals.
1:57 As a practitioner of Tantra, Reiki, and neurolinguistic programming, he empowers clients to discover authentic relationships and their life's purpose.
2:06 Committed to leading the intimacy revolution, he advocates for sensual embodiment, radical self-inquiry, authentic connections and empowered relationships.
2:16 And he's coming to us from Australia, even though I just learned that he is British.
2:20 So welcome, Steve, I'm happy you're here.
2:23 Hey Kris, thanks so much for having me.
2:25 Yeah, yeah, coming to you from Australia,, yeah, via the UK.
2:29 Like I said, I've been living here in Australia for 12 years now, and it's been,, it's been amazing, it's a great, great place to live.
2:37 That's so cool.
2:38 I really want to go to Australia.
2:39 It's on my bucket list, and I just, I still, I know like technology and the internet's been around for so long, but I still think it's so cool that we can connect while I'm in California and you're in Australia and, and we can work with clients all over the world too, which is really incredible, you know, there's, there's so much out there for personal development, like people really have no excuse, right?
2:58 Like, go find your person that you resonate with and connect with them.
3:03 Oh OK.
3:05 Yeah, so I always start my episodes the same way.
3:08 And that is by asking my guests to give me their origin story.
3:11 So, pretty unique fields you've got yourself in.
3:15 I'd love to hear your story of how you, how you started off in it.
3:19 What made you want to go down this path?
3:22 Yeah, well, I guess,, for a long part of my life, I, I kind of followed the typical Escalator path that that most of us go through, you know, school, university, I got myself a good job and a career and all those kind of things, and,, that was, was really great to me and and my, my career got me to Australia, which, which has been amazing and, yeah, that's been a really, a really beautiful journey in itself, and then I guess, Life sort of took a few big changes,, divorced from my now ex-wife.
4:01 , obviously at that that time was just sort of before we had the, the COVID outbreak, and a lot of things obviously changed over the past few years, and people were looking more at their,, their lives and really what they want to do with them.
4:15 And that was a similar thing that I did, you know, I was,, I knew that there was some unhappiness within my life, and I wasn't feeling.
4:22 Fulfilled in what I was doing.
4:25 So, although I do still have my full-time job in, in engineering that I do, I realized that I was missing something and then wanted something that was gonna fill my cup and, and really kind of make me feel, feel good about myself.
4:38 You know, you kind of look at your life and say, Oh, well, I've only got, you know, 10 many days left.
4:45 , in this experience, so, what do I want to spend my time doing?
4:49 And so,, during that, that time of the lockdowns and so on,, I spent my time studying Tantra,, did a Reiki course, did an NLP course, and,, and set up a small business to,, yeah, to help people with,, with intimacy, with their relationships.
5:09 And,, and yeah, that's, that's both in terms of couples and individuals.
5:13 Yeah.
5:15 That's really cool.
5:16 And you know, I feel like there were two camps of people during the pandemic, like the people who like you and I took, I was like, I'm at home, I'm going to take every course I can.
5:26 I'm going to learn as much as I can.
5:27 I'm gonna read all the books.
5:29 And then there were people who just kind of froze, right?
5:33 And they, they, they didn't, it was such an opportunity for personal development.
5:37 So it's really cool that you went that route.
5:39 , so what are you doing with it now?
5:43 You're working one on one with people, you're working with couples, do you work with them in person or online?
5:47 , I do both.
5:49 , the majority of the work I've done has been in person.
5:52 It's been people local to the,, Newcastle area in New South Wales, here in Australia.
5:57 , but I am offering online work as well, so that's great.
6:01 And I've started doing online workshops, getting myself all sorted out with the tech and so on to be able to offer that to people.
6:08 So that's,, yeah, it's gonna allow me to, you know, widen my field of,, of what.
6:14 Work and, and, and being able to work with clients from, from all over the world, essentially.
6:18 , a lot of the work that I've done up to this point has been in the Yoni massage space.
6:26 So it's been a, a really beautiful healing journey for me,, being able to work with, with women and hold space for the feminine and be that trusted, masculine container that can help women to heal.
6:39 So that's been a really amazing part of what I've been doing.
6:43 And,, and yeah, that's been, I guess,, a lot of it's come from, from word of mouth, as well as sort of social media and so on.
6:50 But I've had, yeah, a lot of local clients in, in Yoni massage.
6:55 So obviously, that's, that needs to be sort of in person.
6:59 Can't really do that online.
7:00 , so for the listeners that don't know what that is, because I didn't know what it was when we first talked,, can you just Give us an explanation of what Yoni massages and what it does.
7:12 Yeah, absolutely.
7:13 And I, I guess so,, a lot of your listeners might be aware now, and there is a lot more awareness coming, but we hold emotions in the body, right?
7:22 The body keeps the scores of a famous book that,, and we're starting to understand more and more how our body's tissues actually hold our experiences.
7:32 And by being embodied, And connecting into our, to our body, we can really understand about where our experiences are and what,, what our emotions are.
7:43 And so, Yoni massage is,, it is a healing modality.
7:48 It's,, it is a massage, and generally, I would include a whole body massage.
7:53 But yes, it is actually massage of the female genital.
7:57 Talia,, so the massaging the vulva, and it's there to be able to help women to let go of experiences that have happened in the past to them that they've been maybe holding onto.
8:10 So that could be,, it could be, you know, negative sexual experiences, it could be sexual trauma, it could be childbirth trauma.
8:18 , there's various different, you know, ways that it can.
8:22 , that can, can, can crop up, and women can often store that emotion, those experiences in their yoni, and there can be areas of tension.
8:35 You can lose sensation and physical feeling.
8:39 , some people had experienced really like sort of tightness and difficulty to actually have penetrative sex with partners because of it.
8:49 And so there's, yeah, there's a number of different sort of symptoms and things that can can develop from having these traumatic experiences occur in your body and be held there, so.
9:02 The idea is that the massage releases areas of tension.
9:06 It provides a safe space for women to be able to connect back to their bodies, and it also is designed to be able to release those emotions.
9:14 So yeah, some of the sessions can be very, very emotional.
9:18 They can bring up a lot of things for people.
9:21 So there's obviously.
9:24 I provide support, you know, aftercare and so on to be able to, to help people move through the release of those emotions from their body.
9:32 Yeah, that's, that was actually my next question.
9:34 Like when I, when I think about holding on to repressed emotions in my body, there's going to be some release there.
9:41 So, I guess how do you set up a safe space for people and what kind of, what does that aftercare look like?
9:47 Because you know, it's, I mean, People who have gone through any kind of sexual trauma, even childbirth,, you know, that's, that's a lot to to hold for someone.
10:00 Yeah, absolutely it is.
10:01 Yeah.
10:01 So it's, you know, the utmost importance that I that I hold a safe space for people.
10:07 That's, that's absolutely the most important part of it.
10:10 So I'll always have Generally have a telephone discussion with somebody beforehand so they fully understand the process and what we'll be doing, what they're likely to experience,, then I have a dedicated workspace which is obviously very private, it's set up for.
10:30 , for this kind of work.
10:32 And, you know, I, I do my best to make it a really beautiful space, you know, candles, have a,, nice music, etc.
10:40 So it's all feels very comfortable.
10:43 , I'll do a, a ritual at the beginning of the session.
10:47 So it's designed to, you know, make people relax as much as possible.
10:51 That's, that's important to be able to feel safe and relaxed and trusting so that your body can Can let go.
10:58 , like I said, it's a whole body massage.
11:01 So a lot of the massage is actually designed just to help you relax and drop into the space.
11:07 And,, and then the Yoni massage itself does continuous kind of,, checking with consent and discussion of boundaries and so on.
11:17 , so that's all kind of designed to help bring that feeling of safety in there.
11:23 And,, And some clients, we developed like a treatment plan, so there might be a few sessions involved with others,, some people don't feel like they need that, or it might be, you know, different clients go to very different levels, and it's really a lot of where that person's ready to drop into that space too as well.
11:45 , and then aftercare is often like phone discussions,, being able to check in online, this kind of thing, and give a safe space for people to be able to share what they're going through.
11:58 They can also sometimes back their sessions up with counseling sessions, or I had another client who sort of has visited a kinesiologist afterwards as well.
12:09 So Often clients will sort of double up their, their sessions so they've got support afterwards as well from from other practitioners.
12:19 Oh, that's really great that you're so mindful about it.
12:22 How long is the actual Yoni part of the massage?
12:24 , they can go for maybe sort of around 30 to 45 minutes.
12:31 Wow.
12:32 Yeah, yeah.
12:33 Do you is it like penetrative at all, or do you just stay outside?
12:37 , as long as the person's consenting, yes, it's penetrative.
12:42 Like a lot of the tension that crops up is often within the vaginal canal.
12:48 .
12:50 There's often as well, people who come for yoni massage who also want to be able to reconnect their bodies and get better connected with their sexual self as well.
13:03 So the, the idea is to, is to build some sexual energy within the body.
13:09 So obviously it's, it's very professional, it's all one way touch and so on, so it's like,.
13:16 There's, it's, it's not an interactive process as such.
13:19 , but the idea is to start to build some of that sexual energy, and we use breathing techniques to move that sexual energy around the body.
13:29 So,, for example, when, if you're having,, if you're having sex, often when we have sex, we, we store and trap the energy around our pelvis area, and we kind of become a little bit,,, targeted towards orgasm, right?
13:48 We'll often be trying to build that energy in this space to be able to go towards orgasm.
13:53 Now, that can happen in a yoni massage.
13:56 It doesn't happen very often, and it's not an intention to, to get to orgasm, but it, it does occasionally happen.
14:03 But the idea is to take that energy and actually spread it around the body instead.
14:08 And that creative life force energy that you build,, is It is there and it can be used for manifestation as well as for healing.
14:18 So the idea is to, yeah, is to look for areas of tension and smooth those out, and then to start to help the client connect to their, to connect to their pleasure center again, essentially, and,, be able to then, yeah, harness and build that creative life force energy that they can build as they start to become aroused.
14:40 Yeah, you keep going exactly where my questions were going to go to because, you know, that that sexual energy is powerful for things, not just sexual related, right?
14:50 Even, even your creativity can stem from that, right?
14:55 , I mean, I've also heard that people who abstain can also like even be more creative in ways, right, because they're like, harnessing that energy and channeling it towards something.
15:07 Right, versus just kind of like letting it go.
15:10 So that's, that's super interesting.
15:12 So, so what kind of, what kind of results have you seen from that?
15:16 Have, have people, I mean, yeah, tell me, tell me the results.
15:21 Oh, I mean, it's been an amazing journey for me.
15:24 , it's I've, I've had clients who have,, had one client who,, had had a hysterectomy and she felt really disconnected between,, from her yoni space because of having an operation, obviously, and.
15:42 For her, she felt really a big disconnection between her Yoni and her heart.
15:47 So we put a big focus on,, reconnecting those two spaces energetically, even though we couldn't do that physically.
15:55 And we were able to really,, to, to really build that connection between the heart and the yoni, which is also so important, you know, for, for,, women particularly, you know, being able to connect to their hearts is,, is the.
16:11 First and foremost part of safety and trust that then allows them to open sexually.
16:17 And so that was a really,, amazing client to have.
16:21 We were able to, to do that, and she was able to make some huge changes in her life afterwards with her own personal, personal growth.
16:30 .
16:32 I've had, yeah, clients who have released a lot of emotions,, people who've come to me with a lot of, yeah, sexual trauma and so on who've been able to,, let go and find peace in those situations and those experiences that they've had through emotional releases, and the release can come like at the end of the massage, or it can crop up even, you know, in the days or weeks.
17:00 Afterwards,, so that's why I always use this aftercare procedure and make sure I'm checking in with people and giving them the opportunity to, to share with me because it doesn't necessarily always come up right at the time.
17:13 , you know, I, I remember one client messaging me.
17:17 She's just got home and like sat in the shower, crying for, for hours and things like that, you know, just have big emotional releases that, that,, can come up.
17:28 So it's, it's been amazing to, for me to be able to hold that space for people.
17:35 Yeah, and if anyone's listening and they're like, Oh, she was crying after that sounds so negative, like that's, that's such a beautiful thing, right?
17:43 We like crying is the best release, like just having a good cry, especially one that lasts that long.
17:50 , that's.
17:51 Yeah, absolutely.
17:52 I mean, and so much when it when it comes to to sex and sexual trauma.
17:58 , we, we have so much shame and guilt that we carry around with that, you know, no matter who you are, I think there's very few of us who are really so sexually empowered that we have no shame and no guilt around how we,, feel pleasure or how we experience pleasure during sex, and whether that's, you know, wherever that's come up in your life.
18:22 So a lot of people really hold on to that.
18:24 And,, and I've had those kind of releases myself.
18:27 , and,, being able to, yeah, just, just let go of, of those,, emotions and thoughts and feelings that have been, you know, carried around for, for many years in the body.
18:40 It's, it's very cathartic to be able to just cry and let that all go.
18:45 Yeah.
18:46 Yeah, absolutely.
18:47 , and Often when you go through sexual abuse too, like, you don't even know you're holding on to things, right?
18:55 Or you're behaving in ways that you don't even tie back to it, or you're, you have a lens or you're thinking in ways that you don't even tie back to it.
19:04 So it's, it's so good to reconnect with yourself on every different level, right?
19:09 Not even just on the physical.
19:11 So what, what drew you to the The sexual healing work, like, is there something in your own past that made you feel really passionate about that?
19:23 Oh, that's a bit of a, yeah, it's an interesting question.
19:28 I think there's You know, like I say, we, we've all had some sort of conditioning in our past that.
19:36 The around, you know, this section and sexual healing,, I haven't had,, Traumatic or abusive scenarios myself, thankfully,, I, I do, See how much of it is out there, and it's really shocking to me how many people have experienced abuse, often in childhood or earlier on in their lives,, teenagers and so on.
20:05 And for me, I really wanted to come into a place of service, you know, I, I felt like in my life, I had so much and I could gain so much through,, through my life and my career and so on.
20:19 And I was still feeling a bit of emptiness within myself and I'm like, why?
20:24 What, what is it that I'm seeking?
20:26 What is it that I'm looking for?
20:27 And being of service to people is, I think, really the best way to be able to Fulfill that gap, you know, it brings so much gratitude into your life when you see what other people experience and what other people go through, and by helping other people, we can really, really tap into that,, feeling of gratitude, that ability to then be able to just hold space and have an understanding for people.
20:55 So,, that's.
20:58 Where I really dropped into that space.
21:00 It was like, yeah, I need to, I need to be of service to people.
21:03 I I felt like I hadn't done that in my life, you know, things that I'd done and the experiences I'd had in my life have been for me and, you know, moving my career on or whatever it be, you know, creating a family and so on.
21:16 I was like, I need to do something for other people and start giving back.
21:20 Yeah, I mean, that's that's where you find real happiness, right?
21:23 I mean, and just even think of it like a very surface, superficial level.
21:30 Like a holiday, for example, we were talking about Christmas earlier, so I was like, how do they have Christmas in the summer in Australia?
21:37 You know, personally, and I think most people feel like it's so much more fun to give gifts than it is to get them, right?
21:42 Because there's something built into us, into humanity about serving others, right?
21:48 And and giving to others.
21:49 Like that's that's what life's really about.
21:51 , so I, I feel that for sure.
21:54 And you know, my, my listeners know, it's like in the first two pages of my book that I've got, I went through sexual abuse for years and I just went through childbirth.
22:02 It was a C-section, but still there's, there's a lot that happens.
22:06 So I can totally see how someone would need to reconnect with their body after, like, especially through childbirth.
22:14 , you know, in pregnancy and all the things and, and feeling like your body has changed so much, right?
22:20 Even, even if it wasn't a traumatic thing,, it's, it's weird to come out of this 9 month journey and then it's like, you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror, it's crazy.
22:34 So I can see how,, just connecting back with like self-love could be really powerful.
22:40 , yeah, it's a huge journey for the body, you know, physically, energetically and emotionally to, to go through the process of carrying a,, carrying a baby and and actually creating a life, you know, that's how incredible.
22:57 is that that's how much power you as women hold, you know, and that's that creative creative energy there actually brings life into the world.
23:06 And yeah, you'll never be quite the same afterwards.
23:11 And so it's absolutely It's very easy to kind of lose that connection to your body and to, you know, maybe the,, maybe even to, to the embodied female sexual part of you that you may have been before you got pregnant, is that suddenly very much changes and it can change dynamics in relationships as well, and it's very common, I think after You know, going through childbirth and, and once you've got a child, then all the, the tiredness and the work and everything that goes into that as well, it has a, has a huge effect on people's relationships as well.
23:51 So, you know, that is something that I don't think we always recognize how much support people can, can really need when they've,, been through the process of childbirth in terms of their, their bodies themselves and also their relationships.
24:06 Yeah, especially when you're breastfeeding, like in your libido tanks,, which is super common too.
24:14 , OK, so you also just focus a lot on Tantra, and, and I want to get to the NLP part too, but, You know, for listeners, can you just give us a definition of what tantra is?
24:31 Yeah, well, I think it's,, it's a huge, it's a huge thing.
24:35 So it's hard to pin it down to a definition.
24:37 , I think for Tantra, in terms of me, I really think about it in terms of how we,, relate to other people and how we find that feeling of joy and eros within ourselves and be able to live our lives on a daily basis, feeling that,, that amazing feeling.
24:58 that you might feel when, when you, you know, in the throes of sexual passion, you know, for, for people that very often associate tantra with sex, and that's kind of a normal thing because we've been conditioned to think that way by a lot of what's come through the media and so on.
25:15 , and, and the sexual aspect is absolutely a part of tantra, but it's so much bigger than that.
25:22 I mean, it's about, it's about, intimacy with yourself and understanding yourself, understanding your shadow aspects and being able to work on those so that you spend less time feeling down and more time feeling, feeling up and feeling good about yourself.
25:40 It's, it's about understanding that duality of, of the world as well, that there are going to be times when bad things happen and when, when you're down and being able to ride those.
25:52 , emotional waves that occur naturally in life,, and, and have tools to be able to, to help you through those times, you know, whether they be meditation or,,, being in service to people or things like that.
26:07 So, so Tantras, I, I feel like it's a way of life, really.
26:11 It's a way of being able to bring that kind of real love and joy into your heart and being able to spread that out to the world and have love and compassion for, for.
26:21 Everybody that's out there, whether they're, you know, whether it's your partner or family members, or whether it's your barista at the local cafe that you get coffee from in the mornings, you know, if you, you live your life from a place of,, a place of beauty and a place of love and compassion, then that spreads out to the world.
26:39 That's really beautiful and that's not the definition I was expecting you to say at all.
26:43 So thanks for surprising me.
26:45 You know, I, I don't really know much about it, but I've always Heard or learned or assumed that it was some kind of like energy exchange.
26:54 Is that true or is that just totally also a myth from the media?
27:00 No, no, that's absolutely true.
27:02 And,, and when you get into Tantric practices in terms of, you know, the,, the sexual aspects of that, that's exactly what it's about.
27:11 It's about,, being able to,, well, say, for example, if you have a partner, you can do tantra by yourself, but let's say, for example, it's, it's you and your partner, and you want to make love.
27:22 It's about slowing down.
27:23 It's about Being bringing awareness of that energy and moving that energy between you.
27:30 So there's a number of like breathing techniques and positions you can be in and things that you can share that allow you to move, cultivate and build that energy and and move it between you.
27:42 So in the, the only massage, for example, I use massage to be able to build and move that energy within a person.
27:49 When you're with a partner, you can do that between you with like breathing techniques and so on.
27:54 And,, and then you really slow lovemaking down.
27:58 So it's getting away from that,, sort of friction-based, chasing an orgasm kind of penetrative sex that most of us, like, you know, we often have, regularly.
28:11 That's kind of the sex that we're used to having.
28:14 And taking that and trying to slow it down, really bring awareness to, to pledge.
28:19 Yeah, and to the senses as well, you know, to whether it's,, touch or smell, or sight.
28:25 And there's lots of things you can do to become more mindful in your lovemaking and to build that energy.
28:32 And that can really,, increase pleasure hugely,, for, you know, for, for everybody involved.
28:41 And so that can be,, you know, by slowing down, that often helps.
28:47 , women to feel more safe and give them more time to be able to experience more pleasure.
28:52 , with men, it often helps to step away from that performance type mentality that men often get into with regards to sex.
29:02 Like, I've got to be doing something.
29:03 I should, should I be doing this, you know?
29:05 And so, you really just bring a lot of more mindfulness into your experience and,, just, yeah, be able to use that and can build that pleasure over a longer time period.
29:19 So I'm, I'm like really into ancient Egyptian mystery schools and all that.
29:24 I totally get out on it.
29:25 And I remember, I think that's like my only real introduction to Tantra, that there was something about like a breathing pattern in the shape of like the ink,, like sending energy that way.
29:36 Is it like you're sending energy in that kind of in a specific type of pattern like that?
29:41 Yeah, amazing, yeah, so I guess with the anchors it's like considered a, Almost like a way of transforming and transmitting energy, right,, and with our bodies, so with the,, we have like a positive and negative poles like a battery.
30:02 And so you almost create like a circuit essentially between.
30:07 That's a good way to say it.
30:08 As a couple, you know, you can, you can, it's like having two batteries together with, with opposing poles and be able to move the energy through that circuit.
30:19 And so that's what we create.
30:20 So when,, you know, the most common position for,, when you're learning tantras,, called yap yum, which is where the, the, the masculine is often sort of sat cross-legged, and feminine partner is sat facing him on top of his legs with the legs wrapped around.
30:39 And so that brings you into a very close position where you Hearts are together, and your, your sex centers are together.
30:46 And as you start to breathe together, you can move that energy and draw that energy through the body and pass it between you.
30:54 And that's exactly like we're building, building that energy through essentially a circuit.
31:00 , you know, it's using our own body's electromagnetic fields.
31:06 Sounds like a really beautiful thing to do with a partner.
31:08 So when you work with couples, do you actually guide them through this?
31:12 Like, would you have them doing that, like in your office?
31:16 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:17 So we'll,, we'll go through a number of techniques, and we can actually do that, yeah.
31:23 And, and it doesn't need to be,, you know, you don't need to be to be naked or anything, like, in a very close, passionate place to be able to do that.
31:33 You can do it quite simply, fully clothed, sitting together, and, and even if you're not comfortable.
31:39 Sitting directly on top of the other person, yap yam, you can just sit with your sort of cross-legged knees knees touching, and still be able to get into that same kind of energy.
31:50 And so, yeah, I'll guide my clients through those breathing techniques, show them how to do that, show them ways of slowing down, you know, do things like Essential touch sessions where I, you know, get them to explore maybe one person being blindfolded and taking away the, the sense of sight and using smell and touch and taste to, To really become mindful about their experiences they're having.
32:23 So that we do things like that.
32:25 , yeah, there's a number of different techniques that we do, and yeah, there's there's a lot of great meditations and things that you can take away as well and some exercises.
32:35 So a lot of it will be,, yeah, guiding people through that, giving them things that they can take away and practice at home in the intimacy of their own houses.
32:46 That's such a beautiful way to reconnect.
32:48 Like, I, I, if you lived closer, I would totally gift that to my husband as like an anniversary present or something, right?
32:54 You know, even just like sitting and like looking deep into someone's eyes, we don't do that often and I have an 11 week old son right now, and he just makes like the most intense eye contact and we'll just sit there and stare into each other's eyes.
33:08 I'm like, wow, I don't do this with adults often, you know, but it's so powerful to just look into someone's eyes and like feel the soul behind them, right?
33:17 It's, it's, yeah, it's incredible.
33:21 So yeah, yeah, go ahead.
33:24 So, well, yeah, it's it's often something that you'll find if you do ever go to.
33:28 , you know, a tantra session or maybe temple nights or things like that,, courses and workshops.
33:36 One of the first things you'll come across is eye gazing and,, and spending that time just looking into each other's eyes and how powerful that is.
33:43 And, and it can actually be quite confronting as well, spending a few minutes just staring somebody deeply into the eyes.
33:49 , but it's a really beautiful way to connect.
33:52 Yeah, I used to run yoga teacher trainings and we used to have trainees do that during this one exercise, and I've been in other trainings where we had to do it and It's like you said, like people get uncomfortable at first, right?
34:04 People start like giggling or like, you know, if you smile, the other person will kind of smile, but like you kind of have to settle into it, right?
34:11 And then once you allow yourself to settle into it, it's, it's pretty powerful like usually people end up crying, right, because it's, it's so emotional to like, really connect with another human.
34:22 On that level, and we really don't do that in our day to day lives.
34:26 You know, so many people don't even make eye contact when they're talking, right?
34:30 , and as someone who makes eye contact, it's very obvious when someone's not making eye contact, right?
34:38 .
34:40 Which, you know, for a number of reasons, I'm sure different people might be insecure, whatever it is, but it's really powerful to connect with another human on that level.
34:51 So how do you bring NLP into it?
34:54 Is that just kind of like coaching couples through things?
34:58 , well, the NLP is actually can be really useful.
35:05 So I've done a lot of the work I've done with that has been around timeline therapy or like gestalt therapy.
35:13 It's known as some of the people they call it.
35:15 , root cause therapy, and that can be a really great way to basically go back through your historic timeline and look for events usually early in childhood that,, your brain associates specific actions and emotions together.
35:39 So, for example,, Maybe the first time that you felt fear was a situation that happened when you were a toddler, for example, and you got,, let's say you got, you're in a shopping mall and you lost your parents, and for those couple of minutes, you didn't know what was going on, you experienced fear, and that was, that was like, it kind of becomes a core memory in your subconscious mind of how it feels and how you react.
36:07 During that experience then often gets played out when you experience fear in the future, so you can end up with these kind of, Subconscious experiences that lead us into reacting a certain way when, when we feel somewhere.
36:24 , so, you know, maybe that as you get older, and maybe, let's say you're in a relationships, when you get certain things that trigger you, right?
36:34 We've all got those things that we're kind of becoming aware of now, like, oh, I get, keep getting triggered by this situation, or I keep having these repeating patterns in relationships, or whatever it might be.
36:44 And So we use NLP to go back to those points and to try and reframe them.
36:51 So we're looking at, we're sort of saying, that's great.
36:54 Your brain did a really good thing for you.
36:56 It found a way to protect you from the feeling of fear, but that's not, you know, that was when you were 3, and now you're 33, and that's not helping you anymore because now you're using that same Sort of repeating mind pattern in Different scenarios.
37:16 So we go back and we reframe those, and we can really help to understand ourselves often in the ways that we react.
37:23 Like, oh, maybe my parents acted in a certain way, and that made me feel this.
37:28 And now, when, when I feel that way in my relationship, I react in a certain manner.
37:34 So it can really help to, to go back, reframe some situations, understand ourselves better about what it is that triggers us and why.
37:43 And then we can bring that forward then into, into our relationships and how we actually react to,, different scenarios and try not to have those same repeating patterns and just be able to grow into a new space.
37:58 Maybe it can be,, Even just needing to have better communication with your partner around particular things that might happen.
38:07 So yeah, that's where the NLP comes in.
38:09 It's really, really powerful at being able to work with the subconscious mind and change those repeating patterns that we often find we get.
38:19 Yeah, and that's the work, right?
38:20 That's, that's,, so much of personal development is unlearning things that we learned along the way, right?
38:28 Especially when it comes from childhood, because kids under the age of 7 are just in data brainwave state, right?
38:33 So they're programmable, they're just downloading information and Yeah, just the adult opinions of adults they grew up around like cultural conditioning, all of these things and like, like you said, not understanding situations or blowing them out of proportion or just having confusing things happen can can set our trajectory and you know, I talk a lot about belief systems when I'm a guest on shows and in my book and It's the same kind of thing, right?
39:03 We form these belief systems that then become the lens through which we view the world, but if you can undo a lot of that conditioning, you know, most of personal growth is unlearning, right?
39:15 And getting back to that person that you are underneath all of those layers that have been piled on top of you.
39:21 So, I appreciate, I appreciate that.
39:25 , so is there anything you want to leave people with before we wrap up?
39:30 Is there anything you want people to really take away or, you know, maybe something they can try at home on their own?
39:35 , I, I think, you know, we were talking about with the eye gazing a few minutes ago, I think that would be a great thing for people to take away, you know, if you're,, if you're in a partnership, and very often we, we live our daily lives and we get caught up in all our life admin, all the million and one things we've got to do every day,, maybe you can try having, having a few minutes, maybe 3 minutes of eye gazing with, with your partner and really try and just settle into a space and connect with them for For a few minutes and see, see how that makes you feel.
40:11 Just be curious.
40:12 You might feel uncomfortable, it might seem strange, it might open you up to a really beautiful place.
40:17 I once did a workshop,, and there was a couple there.
40:21 I think they were in their 70s or maybe late 60s.
40:25 And,, and they came to me after and said, We've never done eye gazing before.
40:29 And had no idea how powerful it was, and they had tears streaming down their faces, being in their space together.
40:36 It was so beautiful.
40:37 Yeah, it was so heartwarming.
40:39 And so,, yeah, give that a try.
40:41 And, and,, and if you're curious about,, about Tantra and about being able to understand yourself and your partner better, then, yeah.
40:51 Google it, check some stuff out, have a look.
40:53 There's some, there's loads of resources out there, and,, I'm sure, I'm sure there's absolutely huge amounts in the US as well as,, over here in Australia and around the world.
41:05 So, yeah, just,, just get curious, get curious, and,, and don't be afraid of understanding yourself and, and, you know, increasing your intimacy with yourself.
41:15 That's, yeah, that's how we grow.
41:17 Yeah, that's beautiful, thank you.
41:19 , and yes, there's tons of resources, but if people want to work with you, how do they find you?
41:24 How do they connect with you?
41:26 Yeah.
41:26 So you can find me,, via my website.
41:30 I'm also on Instagram and Facebook.
41:32 So Infinite Touch Tantra is the name of my business.
41:35 , the website is infinite Touch Tantra.com.au.
41:39 And yeah, I'm on Instagram, I'm on Facebook.
41:42 I've also just,, released a book, and,, like a chapter in a collaborative book.
41:48 So that's just gone international bestseller status, which is amazing.
41:52 That's in the US, Canada, and Australia.
41:55 So,, the name of the book is Wild Eros, The Power of Pleasure.
41:59 So people can check that out.
42:00 It's got a bit of my story in there as well.
42:03 It kind of goes a bit deeper than what we've discussed today.
42:06 And,, as well as,, chapters from some really other amazing people who work in the, the Tania, Tantra and pleasure space.
42:14 , so that's out there too.
42:16 So, yeah, there's, there's a number of different ways you can get in touch.
42:19 With me and work with me and yeah, like I say, I do online work as well for those who aren't necessarily in Australia.
42:28 Amazing.
42:28 Well, thank you so much for coming on today.
42:30 It's been really great to talk to you and learn a little bit more about this.
42:33 , if you're listening and this resonated, please like, share, subscribe, send it to someone you think it might resonate with, maybe your partner if you want to like give a little elbow nudge and yeah, help us spread the good word.
42:46 Have a beautiful rest of your day everyone.
42:48 Take care.
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