0:00 Everyone, welcome back to the Change Your Mind podcast, where we explore personal development, spirituality and science.
0:07 I'm really excited for my guest today.
0:09 , but before we get into it, I have a couple quick announcements to make.
0:14 First, just head to the link in the show notes.
0:16 You'll find a link to my book, Change Your Mind to Change Your Reality.
0:19 It was endorsed by Marcy Shimoff, Michael Beckwith, and Bob Doyle, all of whom were from the film The Secret.
0:25 It was also endorsed by John Gray, who wrote Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
0:28 And a lot of great others.
0:30 Also in the show note links, you will find links to my free live master class that I give every couple of weeks, some free downloads as well as my courses, ways to work with me through coaching, and of course, you'll find all of my amazing guest links as well.
0:46 And as always, this podcast is part of the Los Angeles Tribune podcast network.
0:50 And speaking of which, I have a fellow podcaster from that network with me.
0:55 Hi, I'm Kris.
0:56 When I was younger, I went through trauma that caused me to feel broken and lost.
1:01 But my life changed after I had a spiritual awakening.
1:05 Since then, I've dedicated my life to studying and learning from masters all around the world that have helped me to create a life of fulfillment and abundance beyond my wildest dreams.
1:14 Now I'm dedicated to sharing everything I've learned so that you don't have to suffer for decades like I did.
1:20 I've seen people's lives completely transformed, and I share it all right here.
1:27 So I'm really excited for today's interview.
1:29 Today I have with me Sandy Scarletta, and Sandy is a two-time award winning author, certified life coach since 2004, professional speaker, retired US national and international figure skating coach, gold medalist in ice skating, Reiki master teacher, and she spent the last 20 years.
1:48 Helping people create lasting change in their lives.
1:52 She's the host of the Happiness Solved podcast.
1:55 She is the managing director for the Los Angeles Tribune Global Podcast Network.
2:00 And her recent bestselling book, Happiness Solved, Climbing 100 Steps is a self-improvement book, part memoir and workbook.
2:08 So welcome, Sandy.
2:09 I'm so happy you're here.
2:11 Thank you,Kris.
2:12 Kris, it's a pleasure to be here.
2:15 Yeah, I'm I'm so excited.
2:16 I was just on your show.
2:17 We had an amazing conversation.
2:19 Just really quick plug.
2:20 Go check out Sandy's podcast.
2:21 It's amazing.
2:22 It's called Happiness Solved.
2:24 , so I always like to start my conversations the same way.
2:28 And that is by asking my guests, what is their origin story?
2:32 So what is it that made you want to write a book about happiness and start a podcast about happiness?
2:39 Well, it was interesting because I didn't take the normal route.
2:43 , that, that many people do we go to high school, go to college, you know, whatnot.
2:50 , instead, I always wanted to be in the icecapades, and so after high school graduation, I got a letter in the mail from the icecapades and it was said, congratulations, you're on a waiting list.
3:03 And so I was like, well, maybe I should go to college.
3:04 I tried it, it didn't work out.
3:06 So fast forward,, 30+ years, I ended up finishing my bachelor's degree in 2019, which was 35 years after finishing high school.
3:17 But during that time, I had to work on a project.
3:20 It was like my final project.
3:22 And this was in 2019.
3:25 And I started working on a company, kind of a, it was a business man management degree and I started working on a company.
3:34 And what turned out was I started actually writing my book, and I didn't even realize it.
3:39 But as I sat there writing, and, and I don't know, cause I know you've written a book as well, and, and people who are writers, sometimes you just get downloads and you just start writing and, and you go back and you read and you're like, what, what did I just say?
3:51 Well, I started talking about how I was so disgusted with humanity and the way the world was evolving.
4:00 And that humanity was at a crossroads and that something has got to change.
4:04 And, and if not, you know, the anger and the decisiveness was gonna spread like a disease.
4:09 Well, I wrote that in 2019 and finished the book in January of 2020.
4:14 Of course, had no idea what was coming in, in, in that COVID hit us.
4:19 And I was like, wow, like I actually, you know, kind of foresaw that, you know, in my book.
4:25 And it's really just a matter of, I've been through so much in my life.
4:30 And I've learned so much and It's actually pretty simple.
4:37 It's just not easy, right?
4:40 And so I wanted to have kind of a guidebook where people could just pick it up and say, this is what this is all you need to do.
4:47 Just follow these steps.
4:49 And you'll be able to restore your mind and your heart into a place of peace and love.
4:56 It was recommended that I launch a podcast passed at the same time.
5:00 And I did, because I used to have a blog talk radio show from 2008 to 2010 called Everything Mind Body Spirit.
5:08 It's still out there.
5:09 I've listened to the episodes.
5:10 I'm like, Oh my God, that was so bad.
5:12 But I had a blast doing it.
5:14 And I love talking to people that know more about a subject than I do, right?
5:18 Because that's how we learn.
5:20 And so the platform, my podcast is really just the same thing.
5:23 You know, it's free.
5:25 Tune in.
5:26 And get a dose of happiness.
5:28 I have over 300 episodes that have been released as of today's recording as we're recording this.
5:35 And every single episode, you're gonna get golden nuggets of, of learn so many different tools, because that's what it's about.
5:41 It's about building that toolbox so that you can, you know, have resilience.
5:46 When life happens, you know what to do, so that it doesn't disrupt your peace and happiness for that long.
5:52 You know, it's gonna disrupt it.
5:54 Let's be honest, right?
5:56 Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
6:00 And as long as people can really embrace that, it's not like, I'll be happy when I get this, or I'll be happy when I do this.
6:06 It's, you can find happiness in every situation, and there's always a silver lining.
6:12 No matter what.
6:13 I love that last part.
6:15 Well, first of all, thank you for sharing that journey.
6:17 I learned so much about you.
6:19 , but I love that last part that you said, you know, just because we've found healing or we found happiness or we found enlightenment doesn't mean life's going to stop happening, right?
6:29 Like, life keeps happening, there's going to be challenges, there's going to be adversities, but it's about having those tools in your toolbox so that when you're going through that winter season of your life, you can, you can not only survive it, but thrive during it, right?
6:44 Absolutely.
6:45 I mean, even, even right now, you know, I'm working with a, I started working with a new coach.
6:51 And, and I always like to just throw this in.
6:52 If you're looking for a coach, make sure your coach has a coach because, right?
6:57 You, you, you always have to have a coach, especially if you plan on charging people for your time, make sure you're working with somebody that has a coach.
7:05 And, and, and the past two sessions, I've actually, for the first time in my life, I've gotten irritated with her because she's pushing me so hard.
7:14 And it's hard Being uncomfortable.
7:18 But in order to grow, you have to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
7:21 And I'm, I'm getting upset cause I'm like, when am I gonna be done?
7:25 I'm like, When am I gonna be done?
7:27 I'm so tired of peeling away these layers.
7:31 And that's how we grow.
7:32 In the past few weeks of my life have been really difficult.
7:35 Like nothing earth shattering, just all in my head, just sorting through stuff, right?
7:40 Because we all have childhood trauma.
7:42 And as you keep peeling the layers away, you're gonna uncover more stuff.
7:48 And And now that I feel like I'm on the other side of it, it's like, wow, you know.
7:54 Like, this is really awesome.
7:57 Because whenever you're feeling that uncomfortableness, just know that you're almost, you know, you're at the end of your, the lights that you can see the light at the end of your tunnel.
8:08 Like you're, you're getting close.
8:10 You're about to have a breakthrough.
8:12 Yeah, I love that you're like, when am I done?
8:15 Because that's so relatable, but it's like, if you're here, living on Earth incarnated right now, you're not done.
8:23 There's more lessons, there's more growth, there's more to peel back and uncover.
8:28 OK, so I have to ask, what were these things that you were disgusted with on about humanity and has any of that resolved since you wrote your book or is it getting worse?
8:39 Hm, that's a really, really great question.
8:42 And because I chosen to live under a rock and do not watch the news, hardly ever,, I'll get highlights.
8:51 , You know, It's kind of gotten better.
8:57 I think there's a percentage of society that COVID kind of shook people up.
9:02 Hm.
9:04 However, there's still You know, especially in the United States, we've got the middle America that unfortunately, you know, it it it's, it's a, it's a travesty that our education system has not been better in this country and that there's a lot of very uneducated people in the United States that are have blinders on and they only see they choose to hear.
9:33 What they're hearing instead of As most educated people would do and do their own research and find out what's really going on instead of just believing, it's like he said, she said, like there's, so there's still a lot of that decisiveness going on.
9:49 And I think the media is a big part to blame for that because you're only hearing what they choose, you know, the narrative that they want you to hear.
9:57 So I think that You know, while I think it, it has shook up a lot of people going through COVID, I still think there's a lot of work that needs to be done, and,, you know, it's, it's hard to say whether or not It's going to get any better.
10:15 You know, because at the end of the day, you know, they they for years we always say, you know, Think locally, not globally, right?
10:22 Cause you can only change so much in your surroundings, right?
10:29 And It it's still that way, but at the end of the day, Everything is an inside job, no matter what it is you're working on.
10:39 It all, so if people start to look within.
10:43 And recognize that all the answers are within themselves.
10:49 Then maybe we still have a chance.
10:51 At turning things around.
10:54 Yeah, I remember the pandemic, sorry, go ahead.
10:57 I was just gonna say I just think that most people don't want to do it.
10:59 It's, it's being uncomfortable, being uncomfortable really sucks.
11:05 Yeah, and it's easier, it's so much easier to just ignore it.
11:12 Yeah, and, and it's scary for people to get out of their comfort zone as well.
11:17 Like I was, I remember when COVID was happening, I was thinking there has to be good coming out of this, right?
11:22 Like this is what's going to help humanity rise in consciousness and help with the awakening and I don't know that it really did, but you you touched on something that's so important to highlight is our perception is our reality, right?
11:36 And quantum physics backs this up.
11:38 We're living in a time when science backs this up.
11:41 And, you know, you you were saying like some people don't do the research.
11:45 The other flip side of that is you can do research on anything and find, quote unquote proof out there that backs up your beliefs, right, in this day and age with social media and like you said, with the media, you know, it's, it's.
12:02 Anything you believe and your beliefs create your reality, there is something out there that backs it up in this day and age.
12:09 And, you know, two people can be living next door to each other and seem to live in different realities and and they're so gung ho on their belief system.
12:20 It's, it's just a crazy time.
12:23 Very, very much so.
12:24 You know, we, this actually brings us to what we were talking about on your show, and I'd love to hear more of your perspective on it.
12:30 You know, we were talking about how people get so easily offended these days, right?
12:35 And they take things so personally, and they blame outside events and other people for their suffering.
12:42 So I'd love to hear your thoughts on how that affects happiness and how happiness ties into all that.
12:49 It's everything.
12:50 It's everything because when you're making a choice, because you have to remember happiness is a choice.
12:56 And when it comes to perspective, so you can think about it.
12:59 , let's see, what can we, what can I relate it to, cause there's so many different scenarios,.
13:07 Let me think.
13:09 I don't know.
13:10 Can you think of just a basic scenario?
13:12 My, my mind is Well, you had so you were telling me that someone told you they didn't want your their episode aired because you mispronounced their name, right?
13:20 That's like a great, yeah.
13:22 Thank you.
13:22 That's a perfect example.
13:23 I don't, I, I completely blocked right there.
13:26 Yes.
13:27 Yes.
13:27 And now I kind of have fun with that whole thing.
13:31 Because you never know how I played tennis last night with somebody named Jorge, but the way he spells it, I'm like, Is it Georgia or is it Jorge?
13:39 You know?
13:39 And I just got, you know, and yeah.
13:42 And so yes, I had this guest.
13:43 We had a great conversation.
13:45 He's a PhD psychiatrist or psychologist.
13:48 And,, I said his name wrong and apologized.
13:52 And he was so offended by it that he asked me not to.
13:56 He emailed me twice and reached out to me on LinkedIn saying, please do not air this episode.
14:00 And I was like, you know, in that moment you have a choice.
14:04 We all have a choice.
14:05 He blamed it on his, his branding, and I'm like, you know, You can either choose to be offended that somebody mispronounced your name, and let's let's look at that.
14:19 What it, what's what's really at the bottom of that, so we're gonna break this down.
14:23 Because we've got consciousness and ego.
14:26 So you can easily say, yeah, that was his ego, right?
14:29 It was clearly his ego.
14:31 But let's break it down.
14:32 He's worried about his brand.
14:33 So what really is that?
14:35 He's fearful.
14:36 He's afraid that The the that me mispronouncing his name.
14:42 Is going to affect his brand.
14:46 People don't give a crap.
14:48 They really don't.
14:50 They really don't.
14:51 And, and I had a choice too when I saw that because of course, I was then offended, right?
14:57 Right.
14:57 It offended me that he didn't, and I was like, and I thought about it, and this is just a tool for people, you know, sometimes.
15:06 Before you hit send, whether it's a text message or an email, I will say what I want to say.
15:11 I will get it all out, but I just don't send it, and then I delete it.
15:16 And all I said was, I, I said something to the effect of, right now I have a choice.
15:27 As to how I'm going to respond, and I choose consciousness, and that's all I said.
15:34 And you know, because the thing is, is, you know, It doesn't matter.
15:39 It really doesn't matter that I've mispronounced his name, you know, and, and sometimes I'll say to people, you know what, you're in America now.
15:47 If you're a US citizen, just deal with it.
15:49 Everybody spells their name.
15:51 I, I mean, I've been Sandy Scarlatta for 35 years, and, and 9 out of 10 people say my last name wrong.
15:57 How miserable to bring us back to happiness.
15:59 Do you know how miserable I would be?
16:03 If every day somebody mispronounced my name and I got upset about it.
16:08 My gosh, life's too short.
16:11 No.
16:12 So it does affect it because you're choosing negative emotions and whenever you're choosing negativity.
16:19 Over the positive, you know, it, it all goes back to the map of consciousness, or frequency that we're emitting, and when you're choosing any type of negativity.
16:29 You, you, you cannot be happy.
16:31 You can't be grateful.
16:33 And angry at the same time, they cannot coexist.
16:38 You cannot feel love and fear at the same time, they do not coexist.
16:42 It's one or the other.
16:44 That is the world that we live in.
16:47 Yeah, that's really beautiful.
16:48 And I mean, honestly, he could have in the moment, made the choice to say, oh, hey, actually, you, you pronounced my name wrong, it's pronounced this, or not even blamed you, like, oh, hey, it's actually pronounced this way.
16:58 And it it it's just a blip, right?
17:01 But he had the choice to probably sit there the rest of that episode and like ruminating in that.
17:06 You know, I like your, I like your thing where you, you type it all out and then delete it.
17:10 You know what I've started doing is I'll type it all out and then I go to chat GBT and I say, can you rephrase this in a really nice way?
17:17 And it's amazing.
17:20 It's like my go to now.
17:22 I love that.
17:23 I love that.
17:24 But, you know, you, you know, it's important because the happiest people are those that feel the full range of emotions.
17:32 And you have to feel it.
17:33 Yeah, you know?
17:35 Cause I, what I wanted to say was, well, it's your loss, not mine, because I've got this big podcast and I get all these downloads, and no, that's my ego talking, right?
17:45 Right.
17:46 But that's how you feel, and it's OK.
17:48 It's OK to feel that way, right?
17:50 , You know, but, but it's a choice in that moment, but, but going through that motion of, of me just typing it all out was a way to just get it off of my chest.
18:02 And then you make the right choice, then you do the next right thing.
18:06 How can I stay in consciousness?
18:09 Stay in love.
18:11 And, and see this, because love is a teacher, right?
18:16 I, I've been reading this book by Gabby Bernstein, and it's amazing.
18:19 And she says in there,, there's like a mantra, she says, which is, thank you universe for guiding me to perceive this fear through the teacher of love.
18:31 And I'm like, yeah, cause love is the teacher.
18:34 And everything that we, we're fearful beings.
18:36 It's our, in our DNA, we will 9 000% of the time, we will always default to fear before any other,, emotion.
18:44 We'll always fear is always gonna pop in.
18:47 And it's, it has served us well over the years and it still serves us.
18:51 It's just being able to distinguish between when you're in a fearful state.
18:55 And where you're and and being able to dissect that and be like, OK, I'm afraid, what am I afraid of?
19:01 Is it true?
19:02 You know, and, and have that awareness and self-awareness to distinguish between those thoughts, cause it is just a perception like, like you, you started out this conversation and it's, it's all a perception.
19:16 Yeah, and I really like that idea of asking yourself, is this true?
19:19 And even if it is true, what can be done about it, right?
19:24 We don't have to just succumb to this fear.
19:26 OK, I love everything you said.
19:28 It's so beautiful, especially about love being a teacher.
19:31 So how do we navigate life in this day and age when it feels like everyone and their mother is out there getting offended or it's almost become trendy to be a victim.
19:41 Like, how do we, how do we navigate that?
19:42 How do we stay in love and how do we find happiness within that to bring it back to happiness?
19:48 It's a choice.
19:50 It literally is a choice and seeing it for what it is.
19:53 And when you have a situation where somebody is offended, number one, If you're if And it depends on how you're reacting to it.
20:05 So they're offended and you have a choice.
20:09 You can either choose to agree with them, right?
20:14 Cause, cause that's what they want, right?
20:16 When people are playing the victim, they want people to agree with them, right?
20:20 Or you can show up as a teacher.
20:23 And, and maybe like.
20:26 I always, I, I've learned to ask permission from people.
20:30 So is it OK if I offer you a different perspective?
20:33 Because if you just offer it, they're they're not ready to hear it.
20:37 And sometimes it'll be like, you know what, I need to sit with this for a little bit and then and then it, then you need to respect that and let them.
20:44 and just say, you know, and if they say, yeah, yeah, can you help me with this?
20:50 Because many times when you're in, when, when you've been violated or hurt, or you feel like a victim, because it, it happens all the time and it's again, it's our natural default where something happens to you, and I'm using air quotes right now.
21:06 And you feel like that, and yeah.
21:09 It did happen to you.
21:12 And it's in that moment you have a choice.
21:15 Can I see the lesson in this?
21:17 Why is this happening to me?
21:19 Because at some point you will reach, if, if you focus on this and you really pay attention, you will reach a point where you will say, this happened for me.
21:29 And you're able to shift that perspective.
21:31 But, you know, I always, I've just learned, because I, you know, like, especially with my girlfriends, they all know that I'm a coach and they're, and, and they don't want to be coached.
21:40 Like a lot of times people don't want to be coached.
21:42 Right?
21:43 And so asking their permission is, is just a good way to go about it.
21:47 And, but at the end of the day, you're in charge, I'm in charge.
21:50 We're all in charge of our own happiness.
21:53 And it's your choice.
21:55 And so you can either choose to go with the flow and and and be like everybody else and be miserable.
22:02 And wake up one day and say, oh my gosh, I spent the last month being upset over this issue.
22:08 Like, why?
22:09 Is it worth it?
22:11 Cause life is short.
22:13 You know, and it's, it's going by faster and faster, and so every single day, it's bring it back to a choice.
22:19 We have a choice.
22:21 Yeah, I like that.
22:22 Thank you.
22:23 I really appreciate that.
22:24 And I love the idea of asking permission.
22:27 Because then it puts it back in their court, right?
22:29 Like they have the opportunity to grow and step into their own power, or they can retreat into victimhood, right?
22:35 And then that's, that's not on you anymore, right?
22:38 I mean, it was never on you, but they were perceiving it to be on you.
22:42 It reminds me, I know you're a student of ACIM and I love ACM as well.
22:46 There's that one part in there, there's there's no victims, only volunteers, right?
22:50 And I always think about that,.
22:54 OK, so, you know, you've you've written this book on happiness, you've you've got this podcast, you've talked to so many people, you know, what have you learned about happiness and how have you implemented it into your own life?
23:07 .
23:09 Well, I, I guess it, it goes back to the choice.
23:12 Happiness is a choice.
23:15 And What I've also learned is that To bring it back to when we first started, life is going to happen.
23:25 And we can't stop it.
23:27 It's, it's going to happen.
23:29 And you know, even though, like I said, I, I choose to live under a rock, meaning I'm just not, I, I just don't watch the news.
23:37 It's very, I think it's very healthy to take breaks from that.
23:41 Because it's, it's so much out of your control and, and you can really drive yourself crazy.
23:46 But, but we're all in this together, number one.
23:50 OK, there is a collective consciousness.
23:52 We're all in this together.
23:54 Nobody is excluded from pain and suffering.
23:58 We're all going to experience it.
24:01 And it's, it's really just about continuing to build and grow your toolbox and know that everything happens for a reason.
24:10 This too shall pass.
24:12 It's not permanent.
24:15 Maybe today I'm not in a position to make a choice, and that's OK.
24:20 You know, there's, there's day and, and, and being gentle with yourself is, is really the last part of that is that, you know, if I need to spend a week.
24:30 ruminating over something and figuring something out in my mind, that's OK.
24:36 You know, I have to take care of myself, and, and, and being gentle with myself and, and giving myself grace to sort through some of these feelings.
24:49 You know, I had hoped that it would get easier as I get older, and what's happening is, is because I've been on this path for 34 years, and you start getting deeper and deeper, you know, there's stuff coming up.
25:03 , you know, when I was a toddler.
25:08 Wow.
25:09 You know, there's, you know, and it's just childhood trauma.
25:12 We all have it.
25:13 And as long as you're open and receptive to seeing things differently and, and really diving into that and and learning how to navigate that and learning how to recognize it for it, it, you know, recognize the emotion for what it is.
25:34 Because what happens is that this is, this is the big takeaway that I'll I'll leave you with,, that I've learned over the over the past few weeks is I, I've given my power away to certain things.
25:52 OK.
25:53 And when you recognize that you're giving your power away, you can then claim it back and not let it affect you.
26:02 The way it's been affecting me for the past 30+ years of my life.
26:08 Wow, it sounds like you've, you just came to that like big realization that's a really powerful lesson that you just learned recently.
26:16 That's amazing.
26:17 Yeah, it is.
26:18 I'm so happy for you to hear that.
26:20 Like, it sounds like you've had a rough couple of weeks and I'm sorry for that, but it sounds like something really beautiful came out of it.
26:26 Yeah, I mean it was only rough in my own mind, right?
26:29 That's true, right?
26:30 That's how it goes.
26:31 I'm still going about my day.
26:32 I'm still doing my thing and all of that.
26:36 But it's, it's in there and it's, and it's a dialogue.
26:38 And, and there's no time limit.
26:41 There's, there's nothing that says, and I've heard people say, oh, I give myself 5 minutes.
26:45 Well, that's great if you can give yourself 5 minutes and you can be over it.
26:48 But chances are, if you've been on this planet more than 30 or 40 years, you're gonna need a little more than 5 minutes to work through some, some deep, deep issues.
26:58 And that's OK.
26:59 Like, allow yourself whatever time you need because there's no Nobody's timing you.
27:05 There's no rush.
27:07 I want to feel it.
27:08 I wanna, I wanna make sure that I can Get through that so more shit can come up, right?
27:15 Yeah, right.
27:18 Bring it on.
27:20 Give me some more.
27:21 What else is more lessons?
27:22 Yeah, right, come on, I'm ready.
27:25 Yeah, yeah, you know.
27:28 I, I feel like I've learned a similar lesson too that like, happiness will come in cycles too, right?
27:33 Like, I know it's it's a choice.
27:34 I totally agree with that, but.
27:37 Feeling happy overall comes in cycles, right?
27:39 Like we all go through dark nights of the soul, where things are really difficult.
27:43 We're learning those lessons.
27:45 And when you're in it, when you're in that shit, it's like, it feels like you're in it forever, and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's, it's just so heavy.
27:54 But happiness always comes back around.
27:58 And I don't I don't know, like, personally, I went through a dark night of the soul in 2020.
28:03 I told you a little bit about it after our show.
28:05 And I've found this lightness again with my son and just it's, it's this amazing thing that I didn't know that I was going to get back to this level of high.
28:16 And it's such a, I don't know, life's so interesting that way.
28:19 It really is.
28:21 And and it's seasons, like you mentioned a couple times, you know, we all have these different seasons of our life and just, you know, it is what it is.
28:30 And I've chosen.
28:34 To go through.
28:36 In in in consciousness in the best way that I can.
28:41 Yeah, I love that, and I think just being awake and aware and You know, self-aware is such a big key, which, which brings me to the fact that I don't want you to have to give away your whole book.
28:54 I won't ask you to do that.
28:55 But you mentioned that happiness is really simple.
28:58 Like the idea of it is really simple.
29:00 There's certain steps.
29:01 So you can, can you tell us like a couple of those steps at least?
29:04 Because I'm really curious what your steps are.
29:06 Sure, absolutely.
29:07 It's, it comes down to, I have a formula, which actually isn't even in the book that I I came up with this after, but it's self-awareness plus self-love, plus spirituality.
29:17 Gets you to your zone of genius, and if you really want to be happy, getting to that zone of genius, that's where it's at.
29:23 And I wrote this book before I was even quote.
29:28 Aware of that, if you will.
29:31 I've been in my zone of genius many times in my life.
29:36 I just didn't know how to get there,, more on a regular basis.
29:40 And that's really, you know, it, it, it requires that self-awareness where you're paying attention to your emotions, loving yourself enough to do the next right thing, which is generally forgiveness.
29:54 And you know, self-love, taking care of yourself.
29:56 What do I need to do to to take care of this?
30:00 And the spirituality is huge, you know, having a power greater than yourself, meditation, all of those things combined will get you to a place where miracles unflow unflow right before your eyes.
30:14 Your day just,, like you're, you're in that zone where time and space is gone and you're just living life and just loving it.
30:26 And it's, it's like euphoria in a, in a sense.
30:30 So Feel the feelings, practice forgiveness.
30:36 And after you've gone through that, then it really comes down to gratitude.
30:41 But I always say, you can gratitude your way out of anything.
30:43 And in a pinch, yes.
30:44 If you're in a pinch, and if you need to be on, just start focusing on gratitude because it will help you to raise your vibrational frequency.
30:51 However, you really want to feel the feelings, practice forgiveness, and then focus on gratitude.
30:57 But it's really, you know, those, it, it comes down to as basic as that.
31:03 I love that.
31:03 And then when you say the zone of genius, that's that flow state that you were just talking about, right, that place where you're just in euphoria, I love that word.
31:12 Yeah, I, I love, I love what you wrote and I write, I, you know, it's funny, I don't do it in that specific order, but I write about all those things, feeling your emotions and forgiveness and gratitude in my own book.
31:24 And I like that you pointed out that it's so simple, but so many people have a hard time with it.
31:30 And you know, I've had a hard time with it myself, and I'm sure you have too.
31:33 So what do we say to those people who are really struggling with forgiveness?
31:37 Because just aside, I know every time I make, I write, do a lot of content and every time I do a video on forgiveness, there's always those people in the comments that are like, Oh, well, so and so did this, like, that's unforgivable.
31:47 Like what do you say to those people?
31:50 Well, it's It's a choice.
31:54 So here's the thing.
31:57 Somebody did something horrible to you.
32:01 OK.
32:02 You have a choice.
32:04 And you can sit and you can be angry with that person, and you can be resentful, and you'll spend however many days, months, years feeling resentful and bitter.
32:18 And how is that, how is that affecting the other person?
32:22 It's not, it's not affecting the other person in any way, shape or form.
32:26 They don't care.
32:27 They could care less.
32:29 So You're holding up, you know, forgiving another person does not condone what they do, what they did.
32:38 It doesn't erase what they did, none of that stuff.
32:42 All it is doing is you're reclaiming your power back.
32:48 And I also invite people, if you feel like you've had something done to you.
32:55 And you feel like you can't get over it.
32:58 There's so many different stories out there of, you know, there's little girls in Africa that every day they have to go get water for their family.
33:07 OK.
33:08 And every day when they go get water for their family, they are gang raped.
33:15 Every single day.
33:18 People, are you hearing that every single day, a 9 year old, 10-year old, seven-year-old little girl who has to go get water for her family is gang raped on a daily basis.
33:30 OK, so put it in perspective.
33:33 And know that.
33:36 You're not, you're not letting that person off the hook, but what you're doing is you're saying, I am better than this, I am bigger than this, and I'm gonna take my power back, and I'm going to choose forgiveness so that I can be free to be happy and live my life to the fullest.
33:54 Because if you're gonna sit in bitterness and anger and resentment, Number one, it's, you're, you're going to become physically ill, OK, because those are such negative emotions, you will become physically ill.
34:07 It may take 10 years, but I promise you, I promise you, you are going to have some serious health issues if you hold on to that.
34:16 And it's just, it's not worth it.
34:21 You know, stop being so stubborn.
34:24 being stubb people are being stubborn.
34:27 Cause you wanna have, is it that like for me, I'm like, is it that comfortable to be so angry with another person?
34:35 Cause it's, it's, it's got to be miserable existence for people.
34:39 You know, I think it's interesting that you say is it that comfortable because I think sometimes people start to wrap their identity up in it, right?
34:46 Just how people when they're sick, a lot of times will wrap their identity up in their disease or their illness, right?
34:52 They're like, I'm a cancer patient or I'm whatever.
34:55 And I think that that's a lot of what victimhood does to people, right?
35:00 It's this false sense of self, I guess.
35:05 And this It it it's a way for people to feel empowered, but it's not true empowerment.
35:12 If that makes sense.
35:14 Yeah.
35:15 If I may share a story because, and I, I, I bring this up a lot because I think it's so freaking profound.
35:23 I was interviewing a quadriplegic, and I want to have her back on my show cause it was very early on when I launched my podcast.
35:29 It was probably in one of the 1st 50 episodes that I did.
35:33 And I'm talking to this woman who became a quadriplegic at a very young age, probably in her early, I think she was like late 20s, early 30s, and she is somebody who needs 24/7 care.
35:45 She can't do anything on her own.
35:46 OK?
35:48 But she is the most positive person that you could ever speak with.
35:52 And I said to her, I was like, There's gotta be days where you wake up and you're like, why me?
36:00 Why me?
36:01 She goes, it happens all the time.
36:04 It happens all the time.
36:06 Right?
36:07 What would, what would my life had looked like had I not Go diving that day and broke my neck and I'm now a quadriplegic.
36:16 And I go, well, what do you do?
36:17 Like, how do you make that shift so that you're not sitting in that victim.
36:23 that can bring you down, and she goes, I talked to a paraplegic who has it worse off than I do.
36:32 Wow.
36:33 They gave me like serious goosebumps.
36:36 Mhm.
36:37 So It's perspective.
36:40 It's all about perspective that, yeah, it may really suck that that happened to you.
36:44 It's, it sucks.
36:45 It's horrible.
36:47 I'm so sorry that you're in pain and that you you've gone through that.
36:50 However, I promise you there's somebody that has it worse off than you, that has found a way to everyday fight.
36:57 And keep and not to give up and give in to that bitterness and anger and resentment.
37:04 Because even though she's sitting in a chair, and all she can do is move her, her face.
37:11 She still finds peace and happiness in her life.
37:15 And she's married.
37:17 She's she's, she's married.
37:19 She met her, her husband after she was a quadriplegic.
37:22 She's married, she has a very fulfilling life.
37:26 Wow.
37:26 You know, it's like you talked to a blind person that was born blind.
37:29 They're like, I don't know.
37:30 I see fine.
37:32 Right.
37:33 Yeah, they don't know any different.
37:34 They don't know any different, right?
37:36 But you lose your sight at the age of 2030, 40, 50, whatever.
37:40 It's horrible.
37:42 Or is it, right?
37:45 Yeah, and like I don't know if you believe this, but I'm a huge believer in sole contracts, right?
37:49 Like, there was something that we, yeah, OK, you're on the level.
37:53 It's like there's something that we needed to learn, right?
37:56 And we, we helped decide all of these things we're going to go through these big life circumstances.
38:02 And then there's free will, right?
38:04 Like we have the choice, what we do with those circumstances, right?
38:08 Like we've been saying, like, we can use it to go into anger and victimhood and unconsciousness and unhappiness and blame and suffering, or we can see it as a lesson and grow and learn and level up from it and become better instead of bitter.
38:23 And For sure, and, and, you know.
38:29 I had so much trauma and tragedy when I was a kid.
38:34 And then I, you know, I have my miracle baby, my little boy, who's now 23 years old, getting ready to graduate from college.
38:41 And when he was 13.
38:44 His father, we were already divorced at the time.
38:47 His father, who was a very successful lawyer, was driving drunk and was in a car, was in an accident with a motorcycle, and 2 people died.
38:57 And his father was sent to prison for 7 years.
39:01 And imagine, like, I'm just like, what the f happened here?
39:06 Like, why?
39:07 I talk about going, why?
39:09 I'm like, can I not just, like, can my kid just have a little bit easier than I did?
39:15 Right?
39:16 It was extremely difficult.
39:17 And talk about forgiveness.
39:18 It was very hard to forgive, you know, it took me some time, but I did.
39:22 And, and I was the only person, me and one other person, were the only ones that really stood by him the entire time.
39:30 And I had to plan his mother's funeral when his mom died because he was in prison and You know, we were divorced.
39:37 We were divorced for for 6 years when his mom died, and I had to, you know, and, you know, I made a choice.
39:44 And my son is better off today than he was.
39:48 It was a tragic thing.
39:50 And my son made a choice too.
39:52 And, you know, I had said to my best friend, I'm like, I don't know how to deal with this.
39:57 You know, they don't give you a, as you know, having a,, an infant, they don't give you a manual when your baby's born.
40:03 You have no idea.
40:05 And I'm like, what page do I go to?
40:07 Ex-husband is, you know.
40:10 Convicted of manslaughter and goes to prison.
40:13 Like, what do you do?
40:14 Like, what, how do I handle this?
40:17 And my,, my best friend said, Sandy, everything that you have done, all the self-help books, all the seminars, everything that you have done has prepared you for this moment, and you've got this.
40:29 And I was like, you know what, you're right.
40:30 It was it easy?
40:31 No, it was hard.
40:32 It was, I was in survival mode for 7 years, survival mode, like literally, can I pay my bills this month?
40:39 Can I like, it was so hard.
40:42 And you know what, I am a better person today as a result.
40:45 And, and yeah, he signed up for that too.
40:47 My ex signed up for it, my son signed up for it, and I signed up for it.
40:50 We all did, cause it's very interconnected and, and it sucks.
40:57 You know, you have an affluent family that's affected like that and loses everything, like, like, you know.
41:03 , and, you know, you just,, What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
41:10 There's so much truth to that.
41:11 It's corny that saying has been around for, who knows how many years.
41:16 It's so true.
41:17 What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
41:20 Yeah, and then, you know, just trying to look at it from a different perspective, what an amazing opportunity you had to model for your son, forgiveness and happiness is a choice and strength and, you know, perseverance and a whole host of other things.
41:39 And you better believe your 13 year old son saw that.
41:43 You know, and, and he probably is, like you said, such a stronger person because of that, because he saw you model it, and, and I agree with your friend, like you, you had to have gone through all of those seminars, all of that self help books so that you could get to that point so that you could be that person for your son and for yourself.
42:05 Yeah.
42:06 Yeah.
42:07 Yeah, and today, you know, my ex-husband's out of prison.
42:10 We're like brother and sister.
42:11 He spends Christmas with me and Mike cause I'm remarried.
42:14 He spends Christmas with us.
42:15 We get along great.
42:16 I, I know his girlfriend, and, you know, it's one big happy family.
42:20 And again, that's also setting an example for people.
42:23 Like, just because you get divorced doesn't mean you have to be angry.
42:27 Like, we were together.
42:29 For 25 years, married for 21 years, you know, I mean, I was 21 when I met the man.
42:33 And like, of course, I, I, I loved him then and I, I still have love in my heart for him.
42:39 And we can be friends.
42:40 We can have a relationship.
42:43 For our, for our son, right?
42:46 I love that.
42:47 I love that he joins for holidays and it's one big happy family.
42:51 That's, that's definitely modeling.
42:53 And you know, it's, it just brings me back to like the way that we change the world, like you can't force anyone to change, but you can step into that higher position, right?
43:04 Like you can become that beacon that light for others, and then they see that and they rise up to your level, right?
43:10 Like you can offer them a helping hand, but Being that light for people and, and it like walking the walk, right?
43:18 Not just talking the talk.
43:19 That's how you expect change in the world.
43:21 That's right.
43:22 You have to show up as your authentic self.
43:25 And I don't preach anything.
43:27 I don't preach, but I don't talk about anything that I don't do myself.
43:31 And if I'm not doing it, I 100% be like, hey, I own it.
43:35 You know, I'm not doing this.
43:36 I'm trying.
43:38 What, what do you say though that we teach what we need to hear ourselves?
43:43 Oh, totally.
43:44 Yeah.
43:46 Why do you think I started a happiness podcast?
43:47 because that's the theme of my life.
43:49 It's like I wanna be happy and I want to talk to other people and, and learn.
43:54 But yeah, absolutely, yeah.
43:58 So is there anything else that you want to leave listeners with any anything we haven't touched on that you feel like you really are feeling pulled to get out there right now?
44:09 Yeah, I always like to say forgive for peace.
44:11 , my very first book that I won two book awards for is a novel for teenage girls, and I'm, it was a series of 5 books.
44:18 It's not,, the second book was, was finished and was never published.
44:23 So I've put the two books together and I'm finishing it, and I'm gonna have that put out there in the world.
44:29 And the main theme of that book is forgive for Peace.
44:32 , it's a novel, it's a great story.
44:35 I don't know how it's gonna end.
44:36 I haven't finished it, but I'm excited to put it back out in the world after.
44:42 Gosh, 24 or 14 years, I guess it's been.
44:46 That's super cool.
44:48 Yeah, so forgive for peace.
44:50 I love that.
44:52 And I know we've mentioned your podcast a bunch, but please tell people how they can find you, where they can find the podcast, where they can find your book, all of the things.
45:01 Yeah, you can go to sandyScarlotta.com.
45:04 And happinesssolved.com.
45:08 And my podcast is on any podcast network.
45:10 Instagram is at CoachSandy Scarlata, Facebook is at CoachSandy Scarlatta as well.
45:16 and YouTube is happiness solved, so lots of places.
45:20 Awesome.
45:21 Well, thank you so much for coming on.
45:22 I love talking to you.
45:24 This is a great conversation.
45:26 And if you're listening, and, and you, there's someone in your life you think could benefit from it, please share it, please like, comment, subscribe, help us spread the good word.
45:36 Thank you so much.
45:36 Have a beautiful rest of your day, everyone.
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