0:00 Hi, everyone.
0:01 Welcome back to the Change Your Mind podcast.
0:03 I'm your host, Kris Ashley and we explore the intersection between personal development, spirituality and science.
0:09 Today.
0:10 I'm really excited.
0:11 I have with me a guest who's gonna talk to us about healing your inner child, which is something that all of us really need to hear.
0:18 I think so.
0:20 First a couple of quick announcements, if you head to the links in my show notes, you'll find a link to my book, Change Your Mind to change your reality.
0:27 It was endorsed by three experts from the Secret John Gray who wrote men are from Mars.
0:31 Women are from Venus Anita Mariani.
0:34 You'll also find links to free downloads, free master class courses, ways to stay connected coaching.
0:41 So please be a part of the community and help us spread the good word.
0:45 Hi, I'm Kris.
0:46 When I was younger, I went through trauma that caused me to feel broken and lost.
0:51 But my life changed after I had a spiritual awakening.
0:55 Since then, I've dedicated my life to studying and learning from masters all around the world that have helped me to create a life of fulfillment and abundance beyond my wildest dreams.
1:04 Now I'm dedicated to sharing everything I've learned so that you don't have to suffer for decades.
1:09 Like I did, I've seen people's lives completely transform and I share it all right here.
1:17 All right.
1:18 So with me today, I have Victoria Finch.
1:21 Victoria is the heart healer, a two time international, best selling author, mentor and life coach who specializes in inner child healing and PTSD release with over 30 years of experience in the field of energy healing and personal development.
1:36 She holds a number of certifications.
1:39 Victoria is certified by the international Board of Coaches and Practitioners and the International Practitioners of Holistic medicine as a master clinical hypnotherapist and master practitioner of emotional freedom techniques.
1:53 She also holds certifications in thought field therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, life coaching solution based life coaching and other certifications.
2:04 Victoria is passionate in sharing her story of going from hopelessness to healing.
2:07 So I think you're gonna have a lot to teach all of us.
2:10 Welcome Victoria.
2:11 I'm so glad you're here.
2:12 Well, thank you for having me.
2:13 I'm glad to be here too.
2:15 Make sure I'm unmuted.
2:16 Thank you.
2:17 You're unmuted.
2:18 I can hear you loud and clear.
2:20 And, and yeah, that's, you've, you've certainly had a lot of experience.
2:25 You have a lot of certifications.
2:27 Like I said, I'm really excited to hear what you're going to share with us today and you know, I always start these conversations the same way.
2:35 And that is by asking my guests to share their origin story.
2:38 So what was it that put you on this path?
2:41 What made you become this amazing healer and coach that you are today?
2:45 Thank you so much for asking.
2:48 It's interesting that the question is what started you on this path because I didn't realize what happened, started me and set me up for a lifetime of helping others heal.
3:00 When I was about two years old, I had an incident that happened to me.
3:05 I want to preface this by saying I grew up with a very loving family.
3:09 I was the youngest of six Children and we were middle class.
3:13 We weren't rich, but we had things that we needed.
3:17 When I was born, we did live in a small house of only three bedrooms and I didn't have a place, meaning I didn't have a crib, I didn't have my own room.
3:27 I didn't have my own space.
3:29 In fact, all the toys were hand me down.
3:32 So it was nothing truly mine, so to speak.
3:36 When I was about two years old, my parents who kept me most of the time in their room asked me to leave their room.
3:44 And when I left the room, I was told to go to my sister's room, which I did and my sisters told me to get out.
3:51 Now this was early morning and then I went to my brother's room and my brothers told me to get out.
3:58 I had two older sisters and three brothers.
4:01 Here I am two years old.
4:04 I'm remember this as it was yesterday.
4:07 I'm in diapers still.
4:09 And the only thing I could think to do was to go back to my parents' room and sit by their door.
4:18 That was my first moment of feeling unloved, unwanted.
4:22 Not enough.
4:23 Something must be wrong with me because when my brothers asked me to get out, they said we don't want a girl in here.
4:29 So that was all implanted in this little girl's head.
4:32 And I sat by my parents' door for 50 years.
4:37 It showed up in so many ways.
4:39 It showed up in relationships.
4:41 It showed up in being with men that weren't committed.
4:45 I became very promiscuous because I felt I had nothing to offer but my body and I became a high achiever because I felt, wow, if I could get all of this high achieving accolades, then I would feel validated.
5:03 I would be someone I would feel like someone I know that wasn't the case.
5:10 And it took me sitting on the side of my bed.
5:15 It was August about five years ago with a bottle of pills in my hand.
5:20 Now I've been in and out of anxiety, depression for better, better, better part of 30 years.
5:27 And I'm sitting there thinking, who would miss me?
5:31 Now, I'm a mother of three wonderful Children.
5:34 I mentioned I came from a loving home.
5:36 But in that moment, in that space, I had hit rock bottom.
5:39 I thought nobody would miss me.
5:41 Nobody would care.
5:42 I'm worthless anyway.
5:44 It doesn't matter what I've achieved, I'm still worthless here.
5:49 And as I got ready to take those pills, I just remember it's like it wasn't even me.
5:53 I started to twist that bottle open and I lifted those pills to my mouth and I heard a voice that I say the voice of God, the voice of divine, divine that said, I made you on purpose for a purpose and this is not it.
6:10 Now, I had done a lot of personal development.
6:13 Les Brown is a mentor of mine.
6:16 And I remember him saying things like there's greatness within you, Wayne Dyer.
6:21 Doctor Wayne Dyer's words came to me.
6:23 If you've changed the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
6:27 And I got up, I poured those pills out.
6:31 And in that moment, I knew I had a purpose and that was to heal the world one heart at time because I realized I had that heart issue.
6:40 And if it's me, how many others out there that needs that healing.
6:46 Wow.
6:46 Thank you so much for sharing your story and, and that's so powerful and also the fact that you were two years old like that's you were a baby that's so young and to have and to have that memory and plant in you so deeply and have it take such strong roots.
7:06 Like it's, it's crazy how the mind and psychology work, right?
7:10 How we could take one little thing, you know, your parents probably just wanted it a long time.
7:15 Right.
7:15 I'm an adult now.
7:17 I know why they put me out.
7:19 Yeah.
7:20 And like, you know, siblings are just, you know, they're, they're whatever, they're kids.
7:24 But the fact that, that, that stayed with you and, and developed this, you know, idea of unworthiness is just, you know, I mean, it, it, it, it should be such a message to so many people that like, you don't have to go through a big trauma to have something really, really impact you.
7:42 , it reminds me I have a friend who,, any, any time, like there was any kind of competition for anything whether it was like, I don't know, like an outfit she liked or a boy she had a crush on.
7:55 If someone else liked it, she would like, immediately back off.
7:58 And she told me this past year she realized it was because when she was like four, her mother used to run in daycare and all the her toys were being shared with these other Children.
8:10 And one time she, her favorite toy was being shared with this little boy and she wanted it back.
8:15 So she bit him and her mother like, threw her in her room and like yelled at her.
8:20 And ever since then she was like, things don't belong to me and like, and it, but it's, it reminds me of that story where it's like, one little incident can severely change your psychology.
8:33 You know, what, what is the psychology behind all of that?
8:35 Did you ever, like, dive deep into, like, what makes the human mind work in that kind of way?
8:40 Yeah.
8:41 Yes.
8:41 And it's so important and I'm so glad you shared that story about your friend.
8:46 Well, because it doesn't have to be a big incident.
8:49 I will tell you that typically when you have something that's that deeply rooted, it typically happens between the age of, between being in the womb and the age of seven.
9:01 That's when we are most impressionable.
9:03 The first, the psychology behind that is this the 1st 180 months of our lives is when we are most impressionable.
9:12 That is when the brain is what's called alpha state, we call that the learning state as a hypnotherapist.
9:19 That's where we take people down to and for deep work, we have to take them down to theta.
9:25 So when we're looking at the brain, we have beta, beta is where we are right now.
9:30 We're alert, we're talking, we're having a conversation.
9:34 You go into alpha right before bed and right when you wake up in the morning and if you think about it in the mornings and in the evenings, you tend to be more creative.
9:44 You think of more things and that's because you're going into that alpha brain pattern.
9:50 And from there we go into theta theta is a deeper brain pattern.
9:55 And that's when you can do a lot of the deep work.
9:58 Because what we're basically doing is we're shutting off the prefrontal cortex, which is our logic, our reasoning brain, we have to shut that up to down to get into the subconscious, which means you also are more susceptible.
10:13 suggestible.
10:14 I'm sorry, not susceptible, but more suggestible.
10:16 And the reason why this is important, especially working with people on hypnotherapy is like, oh, you're gonna make me crack like a doc.
10:22 No duck.
10:23 No, you're not that susceptible.
10:25 We're not gonna do that.
10:26 Now there's stage hypnotists, right?
10:28 That's a, that's like only if you would normally do that after a couple of, you know, the freedom shots, right?
10:36 But anyway, so you go into theta, that's right before we get into delta and delta is sleep.
10:42 Delta is our restorative state.
10:44 That's where the rim that you hear about starts.
10:47 So the psychology behind it is that between the, between being in the womb and age seven, we are typically in what's called the alpha state.
10:59 By the time we're nine, we get something called the critic critical factor.
11:05 And I'm gonna go into too much detail on that, but that's what separates the thinking, the pre the thinking logical brain from the subconscious.
11:14 Yeah.
11:15 Thank you for explaining that.
11:16 And you know, why do you think it is that we personalize so much?
11:20 Like why, why do we take that one incident and make it into?
11:24 I'm unworthy.
11:25 I'm unlovable and it becomes this mantra that we carry.
11:30 Part of that is because we are programmed to see the negative.
11:35 We are built that way if you go way, way, way, way back.
11:39 And the time we had to always be aware of our environment, we always had to look for the tiger in the woods.
11:46 We always had to protect ourselves and we are trained to look for things that are negative.
11:54 In fact, and I can go into the brain if you want because that's where our reptilian brain kicks in.
12:01 And that part of us is that's what protects us.
12:04 So now we're in protection mode, right?
12:07 And if I feel unworthy or in love, there are certain things that I won't do because I'm protecting myself.
12:15 And what happens is we grow up with these thoughts and they just stay tucked in the subconscious.
12:22 So we're in that fight or flight response all the time.
12:26 We're always looking in our environment for things that make us feel unworthy for things that make us feel not enough because that is how the brain works.
12:36 We have some 70,000 thoughts per da per day and most of those thoughts are from the day before and most of those are negative and it's because that's how we're trained.
12:46 So it takes work to retrain the brain with neuroplasticity, you can retrain the brain to see positivity in most any circumstances.
12:57 But it also takes some healing.
12:59 That makes sense.
13:00 So it's just it's survival mode, right?
13:03 And it makes me think of, you know, when you're saying we're, we're programmed to look for those instances of unworthiness.
13:09 It's like your reticular activation system, that part of your brain that, that brings certain things to the forefront, highlights certain things.
13:17 And I like that you said you're living the same thoughts as the day before.
13:20 And you know, I'm sure you know this, but psychologist actually estimate 70% of our thoughts are negative and repetitive.
13:27 So, you know, we're just on this infinite loop unless we get conscious and break it.
13:32 Absolutely.
13:33 So going back to your story, did your healing take place in that one shift?
13:38 Was it just this this moment you heard this voice?
13:41 You, you knew everything was gonna be OK?
13:44 Or did you have to go back and do your own inner child healing?
13:47 And if so, what did that look like?
13:48 It absolutely did not happen in that instant.
13:52 And that's what we need to understand.
13:54 Just like we have to train our bodies and athlete, we do that with our mind too.
14:00 What happened?
14:03 The reticular activation, the system, the activating system you mentioned.
14:07 Now, my brain is looking for ways to feel better about myself and I was on youtube and then we can talk, manifestation starts coming in, right?
14:18 What you start talking about what starts what frequencies you start putting out there.
14:23 I'm looking at youtube and I come across this famous world renowned hypnotherapist and she is giving a free session online and I went to that session and she took me back to that moment as a child, which is regression work.
14:43 And she took me back and I was able to see that little girl and have a conversation with her.
14:48 They adopt me while I was in trans and it was just eye opening for me.
14:53 And I thought, oh my gosh, if I can do this and if this is a skill that I can learn how many people out there can be helped.
15:03 And even after that, I still needed help, I had to read, I had to get coaches, coaches need coaches, healers, need healers.
15:14 I had to, I had to seek out healers and coaches and people that would come along beside me because there were times when I didn't believe in myself and I had to borrow someone else's belief and sometimes we have to do that.
15:26 And honestly, I'm always honest, but I'm still healing.
15:30 There are still sometimes things might come up.
15:33 And I'm like, oh, I know where that trigger came from because the first step to healing is awareness.
15:39 Who's thinking the thought is it that two year old sitting by the door.
15:43 Is it that 16 year old that got dumped?
15:47 Who is thinking that thought, where is it coming from?
15:50 So, once we are become aware of it and we are able to deal with it because what we resist persists don't push it down.
15:59 I, I feel really bad when I talk to people and they have this guilt.
16:03 Well, I shouldn't feel this way.
16:05 I have a good life.
16:07 I shouldn't, I should be happy all the time.
16:10 And that is just not the case.
16:12 And so once you're aware of it, you have to bring it up and you have to go to that space and deal with it.
16:18 Face it.
16:19 That's the second step to healing.
16:22 Yeah.
16:23 Thank you so much for sharing that.
16:24 And thank you for your vulnerability and saying that you're not fully healed yet because I don't, I don't know that anyone is fully healed, right?
16:31 Like, like if, if we're, if we reach that state of, you know, being fully healed and, you know, quote unquote perfection, like we're, our life on earth is probably done, right?
16:41 We probably learned all of our lessons we're meant to learn.
16:44 And I also really like that you said, borrow someone else's beliefs that's really powerful actually.
16:51 because sometimes, you know, it, it makes me think of like affirmations, right?
16:57 Listening to like Louise Hay affirmations or something where, you know, at first you're like, I don't, I don't feel any of these things.
17:02 But it's like if you repeat it enough, you start to like, feel it in your soul a little bit and that's really powerful if you can't get there on your own yet, Don't re invent the wheel, start with something else.
17:15 So did you, did you remember that two year old memory or was that something that came up when you went through that regression hypnosis session?
17:25 Because I'm just thinking like, not everyone might remember this, this random moment from when they were two or four or five or whatever it is that had this like insanely pivotal effect on them.
17:38 You know, how do you even, how do you even get to those memories?
17:42 Absolutely.
17:43 I did not remember that.
17:45 I did not remember that.
17:47 And as a master hypnotherapist, let me explain this.
17:52 I'm gonna go back.
17:52 There are hypnotherapists, clinical hypnotherapist and then there's master clinical.
17:56 The difference is at the master level you're able and trained to do regression work.
18:01 So you're not planting memories, you're just going back.
18:04 One of the first things I asked my clients is, was there an incident that happened with you between the ages of the womb and age seven?
18:15 Most of the time they will say no, nothing I can remember.
18:19 And then we're like, OK, were there a time where maybe you felt a certain way and then they can pull it up?
18:25 It's amazing.
18:26 And then they can pull it up.
18:27 Oh, I remember that time I had a client who was always trying to make friends with anybody.
18:34 And the people she made friends with were not really nice people to her, they just weren't.
18:39 And I just asked her the question, who are you trying to gain acceptance from?
18:47 And she's like my sister, this is my sister.
18:52 Never, I always felt like my sister never liked me.
18:55 And so I always find people who don't like me because I'm always trying to get their approval.
19:00 It's in there.
19:01 It's just about asking the right questions to get there.
19:04 Yeah.
19:06 Yeah.
19:06 And I imagine like once you put someone in that trance state, it's so much easier to access those subconscious memories too.
19:13 Right?
19:14 Yeah.
19:14 I actually had no idea about that until it was brought to my attention.
19:18 And then it's amazing because once, once you have that awareness, you can go back and look at your life and say, wow.
19:26 So that's why I did that and that's why I did that.
19:28 And it's, it, it's a freeing moment.
19:31 It just, it frees you from so much.
19:34 Yeah.
19:36 Yeah.
19:36 Absolutely.
19:37 So you mentioned the womb, talk to me about the womb because right before this, I stood up to close my blinds and you're like, oh wow, you're, you're pregnant.
19:47 So I'm, I'm like 9.5 months pregnant at this point.
19:50 So talk to me about the womb.
19:53 Yes.
19:53 Am I screwing this child up already.
19:56 I don't know.
19:57 What do you do all day?
19:59 But the thing is, is that babies in the womb can fail their mothers.
20:05 They can, they know what's happening.
20:07 If, if a mother is very anxious, there's a very good chance.
20:10 Not always because we know biology that that child's gonna be born an anxious child.
20:15 Maybe the child's gonna cry more, be more colic.
20:18 Colly colloquy.
20:19 I can say that can I but at any rate, so it's really important to speak to the child with love, to speak to the child with care and to protect and take care of your peace of mind above all cost, above all cost.
20:35 And I say that to anybody, whether you're having a child or not, you have to protect your peace of mind.
20:43 You have to pour from your source from your saucer and not your cup when you're pouring out help.
20:50 When you're pouring out to others, take it from your saucer and not your cup from your overflow.
20:56 Because as caretakers, especially women and men, please, I know you're caretakers too.
21:02 But somehow we take that role is being caretakers so much.
21:06 And men, I know you do too and you're constantly pouring from your cup, you're exhausted, you're crying, your slept self to sleep at night or worse, you've gotta go through a bottle of wine.
21:16 So we have to learn to take care of ourselves.
21:19 When you take care of yourself then that baby will learn to take care of him or herself and they will feel the love and they will feel the peace and the joy that you bring to.
21:29 Yeah, makes me, it makes me think of epigenetics, right?
21:32 Like the environment creates or the environment turns on or off the genes, right?
21:38 You can, you can control so much by your outer environment as well as your inner environment and, you know, as mothers, we do that.
21:47 But that's something I've thought about a lot.
21:49 You know, I I lost my father three months before I got pregnant.
21:52 And so I was still grieving a lot.
21:56 You know, there were times when I was like sobbing, like crying and pregnant and, and then knowing all that I know about this work thinking like, oh my gosh, am I just like negatively impacting this child?
22:08 But you know, you also, you know, I guess mom guilt is a thing you also can't.
22:12 you have to give yourself some grace, right?
22:14 Absolutely.
22:15 One thing I do wanna mention, you mentioned about the outer environment and man search for meaning.
22:20 Victor Frankl said, and I'm gonna paraphrase this.
22:24 He said, lasts of humans.
22:26 Freedom is one's right to choose anyone's attitude in any given circumstance.
22:32 Now he was in a concentration camp and he realized that the people who survived were the ones who had the why and the ones who can control their thoughts in their situation and nothing changes on the outside till we change on the inside.
22:54 And oh, I want people to understand that you may not be able to control your environment, but you can always control you and sometimes that takes practice and learning.
23:11 Yeah.
23:11 Absolutely.
23:12 And you have that outer environment, you have that inner environment.
23:16 And yeah, and that's, I mean, and that's why epigenetic, that's why science is amazing because it's backing up all of this Neuroscience, Epigenetics, quantum physics, it's backing up everything.
23:28 It's so fascinating.
23:30 So, epigenetics tells us that we are born with certain things attached to our genes, like the fact that we are concerned about self preservation, the tiger in the woods, right?
23:44 That carries along with us, when we're looking at generations and if you look at generations and how generational people when you're looking back in generations, how you find members of different generations, they change and they kind of do the same things.
24:02 And epigenetics says we can actually change our genes with the power of our thoughts, with the power of our minds.
24:09 It's more deeper than that as we know, but it's just good to know that you are not stuck no matter how bad you feel or how sad you are, you are not stuck in that space, you can make the decision to make the change.
24:24 Absolutely.
24:26 So, you know, we've, we've been talking a little bit about healing the inner child, but we, we haven't actually defined it.
24:34 How do you define your inner child?
24:37 That inner child is that part of you that wants to play?
24:40 That wants freedom.
24:41 It's that part of you that is loving and kind and it's that part of you that has gotten you to where you are today.
24:50 It's that part of you that when honored and when freed will allow you to move forward and the purpose that you may have, whether you know it or not.
25:01 For instance, one of the things that I do is a chair exercise and during that chair exercise, I will have a client go back from that seven year old child.
25:13 What would you say to that child?
25:15 What would you say to that teenager, that 1615 year old, what would you say to that 21 year old?
25:22 What would you say to them?
25:23 And really what it's about, it's about freeing that inner child because my inner child was stuck on feeling unloved, unworthy, not enough.
25:32 She was stuck there.
25:34 So I had to go and tell her she was loved and tell her she was worthy and tell her she was enough.
25:41 And when I was able to do that, she was free.
25:46 Does that make sense?
25:47 It does.
25:48 Yeah.
25:49 And then, you know, were all of those patterns freed as well.
25:53 Then, you know, I, I know you mentioned that there were a lot of patterns you developed because of these inaccurate beliefs, right?
26:00 So once that inner child felt free, did these patterns release?
26:05 Yes.
26:06 Yes.
26:07 I mean, I stopped sleeping around.
26:09 I realized that I was worth more than my body, you know.
26:12 So, yeah.
26:13 So patterns will, and this is something else that happens.
26:16 And I have to warn people, the people around you will change.
26:22 They will be afraid of your newfound freedom.
26:27 They will want to try to pull you back down to them because they're afraid they're gonna use lose you.
26:32 That doesn't mean they don't love you.
26:36 They may not want to walk with you in your new business.
26:39 They may not support you.
26:41 They might say, oh, you're changed, you're not as fun as you used to be.
26:44 It's because you're evolving and not everyone that's in your life is supposed to stay in your life.
26:51 I used to have a sign on my door that said everyone blesses my home, some by leaving and some by coming.
26:57 I like that.
26:59 Yeah, that's powerful.
27:02 There was that quote, I don't even know who said it that I always love people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
27:08 And, and II I like what you said too.
27:11 I talk about that in my book as well that, you know, a lot of times people don't want you to change because they're afraid that if you change, you don't love them, right?
27:23 Or, or like if you stay the same you don't love them, right?
27:26 So there's a lot of people's own fear and pain that gets projected onto you.
27:32 So, what else about inner child healing?
27:34 Do you want to share with people that we haven't touched on yet?
27:37 Yes.
27:38 Whatever you're feeling, whatever you're going through, it's so important that you take a moment and that you acknowledge your feelings and that you acknowledge why you feel what you feel.
27:51 If it's something from the past, if it's a situation you're currently in, I want you to know that I see you.
27:58 I hear you and you're enough and you can always make the decision to get out of what I call the basement of life, but only you can do it for you.
28:12 Yeah, that's really beautiful because we can't force someone else to change.
28:15 Can we, we can, we can be that light, that beacon for them.
28:19 We can help guide the path.
28:22 But unless they're ready to change and they want to change, we can't do it.
28:26 Absolutely.
28:28 And no one can make you feel away.
28:30 Yeah.
28:30 One thing about the inner child, the inner child can be triggered and no one can make you.
28:36 Oh, he makes me so mad.
28:37 Oh I can't believe this.
28:40 So it makes me so angry.
28:42 So how did he get your anger?
28:43 How did she get your anger?
28:46 How did they get your sadness?
28:47 It's because you gave it to them.
28:50 And perhaps there's an inner child crying to be free from those feelings.
28:56 Now, that doesn't mean we don't get sad, we don't get angry.
28:59 That's not what that means.
29:00 It's how do we handle it once we get it?
29:03 So when you say you gave it to them, you're talking about that person that made you feel triggered, right?
29:07 That's right.
29:08 So when you become an adult and for that inner child, that's still there hanging out, let's say I'm a mother of three, let's say my son came into the room and he said something or did something and I was just like upset about it and I was angry about it and it's because you disturbed me.
29:28 I'm angry, right?
29:31 How did I give him?
29:32 He can't make me angry because he disturbed me.
29:35 That's something I chose to do.
29:37 Whether I realize it or not, I could have said, hey, next time, would you please knock or would you please let me know whatever?
29:45 And I could have been more calm about it.
29:48 So that's what I mean with.
29:49 How did you give, how did they get your anger because I gave it to him?
29:53 Yeah.
29:54 Yeah, I love that.
29:55 And you know, I don't know if you've ever read David R Hawkins work.
29:58 He's amazing, but he, he has this great, he's a, he was a therapist, but he has this great idea that people with repressed emotions are like pressure cookers just waiting to release steam, right?
30:10 So your outside events don't make you angry.
30:13 You're already angry and those outside events give you excuse to unleash that anger.
30:20 You don't boil over.
30:21 So talk to me a little bit more about triggers.
30:24 You know, I've heard that they are mirrors that they show you unhealed aspects of yourself that you can't be triggered by another person unless you have that same thing inside of you.
30:35 So talk to me about that.
30:36 What are your thoughts on triggers?
30:37 Well, we do tend to attract what we are and not what we want.
30:41 If you find yourself in relationships that don't work or people that are non committal or maybe you're non committal, maybe you're angry and as far as triggers go, I truly believe that they are from deep inside and until they're recognized, they will keep boiling over as you say.
31:02 And again, it's really about recognizing David Wagner did an experiment called the White Bear experiment and what the White bear experiment was this.
31:12 They took a group of subjects and said, do not think about a white bear.
31:17 If you think about a white bear ring, the bell, the second group, he said, you can think about anything you want, including a white bear.
31:29 The subjects who were told not to think about the white bear rang the bell more than the ones who were told they can think about anything.
31:39 And that's how triggers are, that's how repressed emotions are because whether you try to hide them or bury them or not, they're going to come up until they are dealt with.
31:51 Yeah, I like that.
31:51 You can't just push them down and hope they disappear.
31:54 Right.
31:54 You have to actually look them in the eye and face them.
31:57 And I imagine that ties a lot back to your inner child work that you do with, with your clients right to, to heal all of that so that those things aren't triggers because once you're healed, something is not gonna trigger you in that same way, you're not gonna have that emotional reaction to it that you once would have had.
32:14 I'm not, you, you, you said something Sorry, go ahead.
32:17 What was that?
32:18 I was gonna share something that's really personal to me when I was going and hopefully I don't cry because I love my kids.
32:24 But I used to yell at my Children a lot, a lot and I didn't realize that my Children were a little afraid of me because they didn't know if I was gonna just yell at them because of a trigger.
32:36 And as I started to get this healing, my son, my youngest son, he would say mom, you're not mad.
32:46 I thought you were gonna be so angry with me.
32:48 I thought you were gonna be so mad at me.
32:50 I had no idea.
32:52 I was doing that.
32:53 And again, that mom guilt, I've forgiven myself for it.
32:55 We have to forgive ourselves because what we don't know, we don't know, we have to forgive ourselves and my son, he, he has forgiven mama.
33:02 But the, the point is is that we don't even always know until it just stops happening.
33:12 Yeah.
33:13 Yeah.
33:13 And I think, I think that ties back to what we were saying before with not even remembering those memories that, that triggered the event in the first place.
33:22 Right.
33:22 Like it, there's so much hidden in our subconscious.
33:26 Absolutely.
33:27 And it's, it's, it, it takes a lot of work to become aware of yourself on such a deep level.
33:33 And I think that that's scary for a lot of people to even go there, right?
33:38 To, to really look at themselves and, and look at their flaws or look at their triggers or look at their wounds and to do that work to heal, it's a lot easier to play with other people for your problems than it is to take accountability, right?
33:54 You have to move from effect to cause you have to move and understand that you are the cause of what happens in your life.
34:01 Now, when I say that people will start saying, well, I can't help that.
34:06 My mother beat me.
34:06 I get that.
34:07 I understand that.
34:08 That's not what I'm saying.
34:10 We have to reach a point to where we take responsibility to how we react to things.
34:16 Yeah, that is becomes us to a certain point.
34:20 We have to make those decisions.
34:22 And I think that when we're able to make those decisions, that's when our healing starts.
34:28 That's when we can feel it and see it.
34:30 I don't yell at my Children anymore.
34:32 I don't, I just don't, when something comes up we just talk about it and then I go on and I realized something is at the end of the day living a life of triggers and high blood pressure doesn't change the issue.
34:47 Hm Yeah.
34:48 Yeah.
34:49 We get all worked up.
34:51 We get our blood pressure up.
34:52 We, we, we, we do all these things to our body because we are in fight or flight and nothing changes except it probably hurts you.
35:01 That's my point.
35:02 Yeah.
35:03 Yeah.
35:03 The situation is still the situation and sometimes if we change how we react, it's gonna change how others react as well.
35:13 Yeah.
35:14 That's so important.
35:15 Yeah, because no one's gonna change by you saying, well, you do this and this and this and I don't like it, right?
35:22 They're gonna change by you becoming the bigger person and changing and they're gonna be like, oh wow, what's Victoria doing?
35:28 Like Victoria is like really chill these days or really calm or really com community, you know.
35:34 I think that's how you change the world and I love that you called it moving from effect to cause I've never heard it stated in that way.
35:41 And that's so brilliant and you also said something really interesting, you attract what you are rather than what you want.
35:51 Talk to me a little bit more about that because that makes me think about manifesting, right?
35:55 And embodying embodying like who you want to be in this world as well as you know, the negative side of it like we were talking about.
36:06 So talk to me a little more about that.
36:07 Yes.
36:09 If you find yourself in certain relationships, if you find yourself in certain jobs, if you find yourself living a life that you don't necessarily love, if you're not in peace, it's because that's not what's within you, you're bringing that to you.
36:28 Every situation is either learning or not.
36:34 If it's a learning, if you see every situation as a learning experience when I say or not or not, it's because you don't see it as a learning experience, you see it as this horrible thing that's happened to you.
36:48 What if you took those thoughts and you reverse them to say this is what I learned.
36:52 I had a business and I lost my retirement from that business.
36:57 I lost my life savings from that business.
37:00 I mean, I lost a lot from that business.
37:03 Totally failed, threw me into bankruptcy.
37:05 And I remember being very depressed and upset about that.
37:09 And I asked a friend years later and I, because with my healing, I learned a couple of things about that business situation.
37:19 I didn't handle money.
37:20 Well, I wasn't informed.
37:23 So these are things that I actually attracted.
37:25 If I really got honest with myself.
37:27 And I asked her friends a few years later, who worked for me at the time.
37:31 And I said, do you think that business was a failure?
37:36 And he said this to me?
37:37 He said, no, he said, you learned so much from that business that now you have created five successful Bains, it was not a failure.
37:50 So we have to look at things in a different way.
37:55 Goes back to Wayne Dyer.
37:56 If you changed the and he's not the original one with this thought.
37:59 But if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change your book.
38:03 Your book is about that.
38:04 I believe based upon the title, I'm gonna have to get your book.
38:07 How did I not know this?
38:08 But anyway, I'll get this book as soon as we're done.
38:13 But at any rate, that's what it takes.
38:15 It takes that change of thought, seeing things different.
38:18 So when it comes to manifesting, stop saying, darn any a good man.
38:24 When am I gonna find somebody?
38:26 When am I going to have more money?
38:28 I, I'm so poor and you put yourself in this lower vibrational state.
38:33 Yeah, that's what you're gonna keep see getting because that's all you keep saying and that's all you keep getting.
38:40 Yeah, you have to become that which you seek.
38:44 When you become it, you're going to get what you become and that's why we get, we get what we, not what we want but who we are.
38:56 Yeah, I love that.
38:58 And, and again, you're right.
39:01 My book is about all this.
39:02 But it's, I love talking to people about it though still because everyone says it in a different way.
39:10 And you said so many things today that, that I teach her that I talk about in my content.
39:15 But the way that you've worded, it has been so just unique and, and different than the way I word it.
39:22 And I think that that's so important because someone could listen to my message 500 times and then they hear you say it and it just clicks, right?
39:30 And, and I think that's really important, especially when it comes to manifesting because so many people kind of think of, you know, the universe is this genie in a bottle, right?
39:39 Where they can just tell it what they want and then it just kind of falls into their lap.
39:43 But you have to go there first, right?
39:46 You have to walk the walk, you have to put yourself in that those higher emotional states, you have to embody it before it can ever be realized in your life.
39:58 So I think that that's just just a really beautiful message to put out there to people.
40:04 Here's my question.
40:06 Yeah.
40:06 On social media, I call it book face on book face when it's your birthday you, you'll figure it out.
40:12 But when it's your birthday, they have these, you can set up these, funds, charities, right?
40:20 And people can donate, right?
40:22 And people can donate to it.
40:24 I can't tell you how many people don't donate first.
40:28 Hm.
40:29 So you're asking the universe to give you something and you're manifesting it and you're day and night doing the affirmations, day and night and it's not happening.
40:41 Are you walking in it?
40:42 Are you taking that first step?
40:45 It goes back to what you just said?
40:47 Yeah, Tony Robbin says something similar.
40:51 He says because he tries to get people to, to donate all the time.
40:55 And he's always like, if you won't give a dime on a dollar, you're not going to give like a million on 10 million or whatever the right.
41:03 It's, it's a state of mind like, and that's so important because so often we're like, I'll do this when it's like when I make this money or when my student loans are paid off or when my kids go to college or whatever it is.
41:19 But I mean, it just goes back to exactly what you're saying.
41:22 Like if you're not going to do it now with the tools you have available, you're not gonna do it once you have greater tools at your disposal.
41:31 It's, it's who you are.
41:33 You have to make that who you are.
41:35 Yeah, I think that's such an important message.
41:37 Lets you said I had to, I'm paraphrasing again, said that I had to stop being who I was in order to become who I was meant to be.
41:48 Yeah, I think that just sums up this entire episode beautifully.
41:53 Right.
41:55 And, and knowing that who you were, is it your fault?
42:01 But that your healing is your responsibility, right.
42:03 So that's why you go to someone like you, right, who's, who's trained in all of these certifications to, to help uncover those things that you might not even remember that are causing all of this in your life.
42:18 So I think I think it's a perfect time for you to tell people how they can work with you if they want to like where do they find you online?
42:26 What are your offers?
42:28 All the things?
42:29 Yes, you can find me online.
42:31 at Just Ask Victoria, you can find me on my website which is just Ask victoria.com, my email info at Just Ask victoria.com and then under my social media, same thing.
42:42 If you just type in, just ask Victoria, the heart healer, you will find me so easily.
42:49 And I do give a no cost clarity call.
42:53 And at the end of that call, whether you decide to work with me or not, at least you will have some insight about how to start your healing process.
43:04 Amazing.
43:05 And do you do you when you do hypnosis, do you do it over zoom?
43:08 Can you work with people across the country or?
43:11 Yes.
43:11 Yes.
43:12 And actually hypnotherapy is just one of the modalities that I use and I probably use it the least,, because there's so many modalities that I'm trained in, it really depends on the client and what they're going through and what they can, what they're able to,, accept because we have to basically suspend our disbelief.
43:32 If you're reading a book, it's just ink on a paper.
43:36 But yet you feel the excitement of it and you're in the characters and that's really what it's about to.
43:41 Same thing with manifestation is really deciding yes and feeling it awesome.
43:48 And I know you're trained in eft and coaching.
43:51 So is that primarily the modalities used when you work with people?
43:54 Yeah, mo cognitive behavior therapy.
43:58 life coaching, emotional freedom techniques, thought field therapy.
44:02 What is thought field therapy, by the way, I've never heard of that.
44:05 So Thought Filled therapy is a precursor to emotional freedom techniques.
44:11 And for those who don't know, it's the tapping.
44:13 You ever seen people tap?
44:15 It's the tapping and thought filled therapy is the precursor and that it's all based on acupuncture points.
44:24 So you tap on different areas.
44:28 The biggest difference is with thought field therapy, it's more involved and the tapping and the way you get people into it is very different.
44:40 It's a much longer process, kind of the difference between as a hypnotherapist being able to work with someone in alpha state versus state of state of mind.
44:50 So it all depends on how deep that you need to go.
44:54 Ok?
44:54 Cool.
44:54 Thanks for explaining that.
44:58 Yeah, tapping, tapping is great and E MD R is also kind of in that general realm to realm as well that I've just loved doing as well.
45:09 Yeah.
45:10 Anything to like bring you into that subconscious level.
45:13 Well, amazing.
45:14 Thank you so much for coming on Victoria.
45:16 I loved your conversation.
45:18 II, I loved all the insights you shared and you know, if you're listening and this episode resonated, please like share, subscribe, send it to someone who you think could use it.
45:31 You know, I think like we were saying, I think we're all on this healing journey.
45:36 We're all headed back home to ourselves and life's kind of the spiral like you think you're healed and then you face something else and old triggers come up.
45:45 So, you know, doing this work is hard, but it's so important.
45:49 So, thank you again, Victoria.
45:51 Thank you for everyone listening.
45:52 Have a beautiful rest of your day.
45:54 Everyone.
45:55 Thank you.
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