0:00Hi, everyone.
0:01Welcome back to the Change Your Mind podcast.
0:03I'm your host, Kris Ashley.
0:05We explore the intersection between personal development, spirituality and science.
0:09And I think we're gonna hit on most of those topics today, which is really exciting.
0:13We're going to talk all about receptive brain states and the power of the heart and the fuss nerve and just tying all that spirituality back to the body.
0:22So it should be a really fun episode.
0:24First, a couple of announcements, head to the links in my show notes, you'll find links to my free master class that happens every few weeks, links to free downloads.
0:34Of course, a link to my book.
0:35Change your Mind to change your reality, ways to work with me courses, coaching, ways to connect on social media and of course ways to connect with my guest as well.
0:45Hi, I'm Kris.
0:47When I was younger I went through trauma that caused me to feel broken and lost.
0:51But my life changed after I had a spiritual awakening.
0:55Since then, I've dedicated my life to studying and learning from masters all around the world that have helped me to create a life of fulfillment and abundance beyond my wildest dreams.
1:04Now I'm dedicated to sharing everything I've learned so that you don't have to suffer for decades.
1:09Like I did, I've seen people's lives completely transform and I share it all right here.
1:17So speaking of my guest with me, I have Kate Graham and Kate is a shamanic oracle who has done over 4000 readings and developed the empath energetics, intuition, development and archetypal self healing program trained as a hypnotherapist, Yen and restorative yoga teacher, Thai yoga massage practitioner, aromatherapist, reflexologist and shamanic practitioner.
1:43Kate uses her experiences to teach people how to trust their own bodies and hearts.
1:48She's also worked on an Alpaca farm, lived nomadically in a van and moved to the Scottish Highlands to pursue managing a retreat center all in the name of intuition.
1:58Kate helps people explore their subconscious beliefs and is passionate about how to create an experience of deep radical transformation.
2:06So welcome Kate.
2:06I'm so happy you're here.
2:09Thank you.
2:09It's so nice to be here and so interesting to hear someone talk about you in the third person.
2:14You know, it's always, it's always so fascinating to have yourself reflected back to you, especially when you're like, wow, I've done a lot.
2:22That's exactly what I was just thinking.
2:23I was thinking.
2:24Wow.
2:24I gave her a really long list.
2:27I know it's funny.
2:28It's like these bios, they end up in the show notes, but we don't think about people, like, reading them out loud.
2:34Sometimes people give me really long ones and then I'm like, I'm gonna read like, a quarter of that out loud and they're like a,, no, I like the Alpaca farm so I had to get that in there.
2:44I'm an animal lover.
2:45Yeah.
2:45I have a hard time keeping that out of my bio as well because it is quite a unique experience.
2:50And I'm also an animal lover.
2:52I think most sensitive folks are.
2:54Yeah, animals are the best.
2:55Yeah, we actually just had to reshoot this because my dog is back.
2:58There it goes again.
2:59All right, I'm gonna ask you a question so you can talk and I can mute.
3:04And the question I'm gonna ask you is how I start the same.
3:06This I start all my episodes the same and I asked my guest what their origin story is.
3:11So what led you on this path to get all these amazing credentials in the first place and wanna go into this work?
3:18Please tell us your story.
3:20Yeah, thank you.
3:21It is a really interesting story.
3:24And for a while, I would always answer it differently depending on who asked me the context.
3:30Like which skill did they know that I have?
3:32And what, you know, what was the origin story of that specific skill?
3:35You know, when did I decide I wanted to do Thai massage?
3:39you know, work compared to shamanic work and, and the answer can kind of be different per modality.
3:45But the overall one that I say kind of jokingly but kind of not is that, you know, I was suffering.
3:52And so of course, when you're suffering, you look for solutions to that healing or to, you know, areas that you're, you're looking to heal anyway.
4:00And when I was in college, I had all these psychic dreams and these dreams I didn't realize were psychic at the time, even though that had happened, my whole, I sort of would just brush it off a lot.
4:12And I kept going to this place in my mind where I was older and I ran this retreat center and there were these goats and things and I was so peaceful, I was always so relaxed and it was like this respite from my life, which I personally felt was really stressful.
4:27And, you know, no one around me really knew I was what they would call like really high functioning.
4:31So no one really knew how like I was, you know, devastated.
4:36I was internally at that time in my life.
4:38But these dreams they kept coming to me and, and they kept bringing me this like source of happiness.
4:42And, you know, I felt really connected to that, that version of myself.
4:48And so I sort of reverse engineered based on a series of psychic dreams.
4:53And then over time, obviously, enough things have lined up with me following my intuition that this opportunity opened up to office, manage a retreat center that I end up doing some of my shamanic work at.
5:05And so that's what brought me to the Scottish highlands.
5:08And I would also say, I know this is a long winded answer, but I would also say, I think my mom growing up, she had a chronic illness.
5:16And when I was in my preteen years, I had seizures.
5:19So there was sort of some more serious medical things that had me going.
5:23How come we don't have answers for this when I was really young and I was really inquisitive.
5:27So it really was also, I think a personal thing of wanting to get the skills that I felt, you know, maybe could help unlock some sense of yeah, higher health for my loved ones and myself as well.
5:41Thank you so much for sharing.
5:43And, you know, I love that.
5:44It's almost like you got a glimpse of the timeline that like I got a glimpse into another timeline and then you aligned yourself with that timeline, like you quantum jumped onto that timeline, which is pretty amazing.
5:56Yeah.
5:56And then another one which is even funnier.
5:59It's like another 10 year decade is, is it's just a kind of downloading in and I'm realizing, oh my gosh, I've got another 10 years of the same quantum leaping but in a new direction.
6:09So it feels exactly how you described it.
6:12Yeah, that's really, really cool.
6:14And I appreciate your answer too because, you know, part of the reason why I ask everyone to share their origin story is because everyone kind of has the same origin story, right?
6:26It's that they were suffering, like you said, and they got to a point where they had a choice to make, they could either stay in suffering, stay in victim mode.
6:37kind of just give up or they could take charge of their life and be like something has to change and start seeking.
6:44Right?
6:44And, and I think that that's so inspiring for listeners to hear because everyone's story is unique, but it all has that same underlying theme to it.
6:53And I think it just inspires people that they can do that with their own life if they're in that rough place right now.
6:59So I appreciate that a lot.
7:01Yeah, I was just talking about that with my father this morning actually, because I'm, I'm here visiting Canada for the holidays and he was talking about someone who he plays hockey with, who was really grumpy.
7:12And I went, wow, they've committed to misery.
7:15They've committed to grumpiness.
7:17That's their, you know, that's their choice.
7:19And, and I went, can you imagine, you know, needing to work out your aggression on like a local hockey league, you know, and he went, I really can't I'm so glad that's not my life totally.
7:31So, there's a lot of people who never make that choice.
7:33Yeah.
7:34Yeah.
7:34And it's a choice.
7:35It's absolutely a choice.
7:36You know, I, I know people in my own life, family members who have made that choice and, you know, every time you talk to them it's just this list of grievances and just negativity and just like every outlook is negative and by the way, those people, bad things keep happening to them.
7:55It's like one after another, after another.
7:58And you're like, I just wanna shake you because if you could just step outside of yourself and see that your attitude is bringing so much of this on.
8:07Mhm Invites you to react that way to life.
8:10And so then even a situation that's neutral is gonna come in and be seemingly chaotic or yeah, misery ridden.
8:19And it, it's really incredible.
8:21They really do say neuro exceptions everything.
8:24It's like how that person reacts I feel for people too.
8:27I feel for, you know, the people who are walking through their life really stressed and reactive to everything and everything around them feels like it's against them.
8:35You know, that's a really high state to live in of, of, you know, maybe needing to be really vigilant or tense kind of to react to how you see the world being pointed at you.
8:46Honestly.
8:48Absolutely.
8:48It's like you have to attack before you're attacked, right?
8:53It's like being on guard and, and by the way, it's interesting that you said situations that are neutral because I believe every situation is neutral, right?
9:01Everything that happens is neutral.
9:03It's like you place meaning on top of it.
9:06Absolutely.
9:07Absolutely.
9:08Yeah, I say that a lot.
9:09It's really, it's our own reaction to anything that has any importance because that's how we're going to interpret that information.
9:15Then therefore, you know,, it changes our decision making and, you know, bridging into the work that I do.
9:22It's, it's all in the subconscious mind.
9:24It's like what causes us to even react that way in the first place?
9:27What causes you to believe that, you know, something happening is either good or bad.
9:32How do you like, when does that trace down?
9:34Where did that reaction come from?
9:35Was it because your mom said that thing was bad when you were two years old, you just in took it as straight fact information, right?
9:42It's really fascinating to see the loops where these beliefs and understandings of the world even connect that shape how we then make those choices later on.
9:51It's really interesting totally.
9:53And, and it doesn't even have to be like big traumas or anything.
9:57It's like you just said, like someone had an opinion, like an adult you grew up around and especially when you're under the age of seven, you're just downloading information, you're literally a sponge.
10:09Yeah.
10:09And a lot of the memories that I get.
10:11, people will share with me when we're in these deeper hypnotherapy sessions.
10:15A lot of the memories they'll share.
10:17It's mind blowing how simple the situation was.
10:20Like, I had one recently, a client was,, with a story that when her mom was needing to head out they were going to some event or something and she was definitely, like, under two and she needed her diaper changed and her mom was so frustrated with her because she needed to go somewhere.
10:37And how, how dare you get in the way of,, I, I was just about to leave the door, you know, so that could happen to any mom anywhere or any parent anywhere, you know, I, I need to get out the door.
10:47Oh, this is irritating.
10:48I have to stop and, and help this child of mine.
10:51You know, before I leave, when I wasn't planning on, it could happen to anyone.
10:55And what she actually took from that on a subconscious level was that her existing was inconvenient to people and it was such a massive route and it was such a simple situation.
11:05It's not like you're gonna go back to your mom and say you really should have fixed that behavior because, you know, mom didn't mean anything by that.
11:12That was just like a moment.
11:13It's amazing how incredible, actually how vast all of the different beliefs then come out of that.
11:20If you just understood at two years old that you existing and having human functions is kind of inconvenient for others.
11:26You're then trying to withhold everything.
11:27Now, this, this client has got issues today and it's like, no surprise, you know, that she would be like holding a lot of tension in that area, worrying that might upset someone, you know.
11:38But totally subconscious, totally wasn't known to her before that session.
11:42That's wild and, and also as someone who's 8.5 months pregnant, a lot of freaking pressure, right?
11:51It's ok, you'll mess up, you know, and then feel through it.
11:55Yeah.
11:55And then when the kids like 25 she'll get hypnotherapy and figure out how it screwed up her life.
12:03It's, I have a friend who had a similar story.
12:06She actually has had a couple of similar stories, but she always would tell me like, I have the worst birthdays like every year, like my birthday is like super depressing.
12:13Bad things always happen and I don't know how she came upon the memory.
12:17Finally, she was like doing some somatic work or something.
12:20But when she was like, like maybe like 11 or 12, they had just gotten back from dinner, her and her family and they wanted to light the cake and she was like, ok, I'm gonna go change and they were like, come on, come on and she was like, ok, I'm changing and they lit the candles and started singing without her.
12:35And she just, and, and like, she kind of came out in the middle of it and it, it, it rooted something in her.
12:42I don't know, like what the actual belief was, but it was something about, like, her birthdays weren't important or, you know, that she wasn't the priority and ever since then she had bad birthdays and then she had that belief.
12:55Right.
12:55She would say all my birthdays suck.
12:57They're always bad.
12:58And so of course, she would just like keep manifesting that and you know, hopefully this year it'll change.
13:03But yeah, it's wild.
13:04It's like like the old folk tale, like fairy tale version of a curse.
13:09That's like actually what you're doing, right?
13:11It's just being like I am cursed.
13:12Therefore, I am cursed.
13:14And so now the rest of my life, this curse is upon me.
13:17And so every year at the same time, you expect the curse, you look for the curse.
13:21Where's the curse hiding up?
13:22I found the curse.
13:23It was behind the door the whole time.
13:25You know, it's like you're looking for the curse to make it make sense to make it true.
13:29Otherwise the other things were just bad happenings and it's difficult to be with those emotions.
13:34I actually I spoke about that last year in talking about you know how it it's important for us to be receptive in order to even get clear intuition to get a clear sense of how things are, you know, so we're not influencing it with all these, you know, the beliefs,, that are coming out.
13:52And one of the, one of the things that I find really interesting about people is that they're like, when they're really sensitive, they don't actually want to feel the fullness of the feeling.
14:01So they'll do anything to kind of try to avoid the, the depth of that feeling and that's kind of a similar situation, right?
14:07Maybe she didn't really want to feel.
14:09I mean, I don't know your friend, of course.
14:11So it is like remove her from the actual situation now, but it's almost like, ok, wonder if you know, if that a bad birthday was such a hard feeling to actually go back to or to fully feel that it's like we're just gonna try and avoid it, like go right back from that, you're gonna see it as bad.
14:27So that, that way you don't have to deal with something being bad again.
14:31And that same feeling coming up if that makes sense, like for it to rise up again would feel so intense.
14:36So if you pre label it, you already know what you're getting and then you can kind of work with that a little easier.
14:41That makes like a defense mechanism.
14:44Yeah.
14:45Like most things that we do as defaults are kind of, yeah, defense mechanisms, right?
14:50We're just trying to live trying to stay alive.
14:52Yeah.
14:53It's so fascinating how the human mind works because, like you said, when you actually look at these scenarios, they're so simple and it's so obvious that, you know, her family didn't mean anything by it or that mother that you were talking about didn't mean anything by it.
15:08But it's, it's just mind blowing how we internalize things and how we form these beliefs around things or try to cope with things.
15:18It's wild.
15:20Yeah.
15:20All the creative ways that we work around our, our pains and things.
15:25And again, I think it's really interesting the amount of things people do to avoid feeling fully their feeling.
15:31And, and so then that subconscious belief system gets like, really affirmed over time, right?
15:36It's amazing how it can get cemented and then, and then you're, you know, grumpy playing hockey at some point in your life.
15:43Hopefully not.
15:44But, yeah, hopefully not.
15:47At least he's taking it out in the, in the hockey puck.
15:49Right?
15:50Not, I guess he said he said that this guy shoved someone and I went, oh, I wonder where that came from?
15:56It.
15:56Probably his 10 year old self, you know.
15:59Yeah.
16:01So what else do people do to avoid these feelings that you've noticed?
16:04, I do notice a lot of people actually, especially in the spiritual world.
16:09They like to label something with like something that feels a lot glossier to kind of remove themselves even from the situation will happen, kind of it's like a label someone might use.
16:22they, they might label others.
16:24I hear, I hear this one a lot actually because of the empath energetics program that people will label someone else as a narcissist and therefore then create this entire, like they've got a whole villain in their life now.
16:33It's amazing, you know, so then it becomes such a dramatic story, I think coming from a film world.
16:38So that's what I studied back in college.
16:40And what I first did was working in film and I see this like dramatic storyline and a lot of healing work as well.
16:46You know, it's like someone wants to be the hero and, and then what does the hero come with also some martyrdom?
16:52Because, you know, oh no one, no one really gets the hero, right?
16:56They have to have that kind of like separation from others.
16:59And then, you know, heroes have these major villains, major villains being like these narcissists or that like awful, awful step parent or like, you know, there's always these like tropes of or, you know, your boss or something.
17:10I don't know, they'll, they'll just make it to be like a fixation of what what a villain kind of in their life looks like.
17:16And it in a way it's like choosing to also be disempowered because the hero, it's like fighting against sometimes forces that they can't even rise up to.
17:24I always think about that.
17:25You know, what if, what if the hero actually just joined the local comedian or, or sorry, not, not the local comedians, local community, you know, maybe, maybe they need comedians, maybe to make people laugh.
17:35But like, what if they actually join the local community?
17:38What if they join the local forces who are like, against these evils?
17:41It often feels like the hero is just some, like, you know, rebel on their own and it feels kind of like an orphan type of archetype actually, that they do it.
17:53I I love that you just went there because this is something I talk about in my show a lot and in my work and I, I love talking about it with people and hearing people describe it and I've never heard it described as like the hero's journey.
18:06But it, that's such a fantastic way of putting it because, you know, psychology even tells us that people don't want to admit that they're wrong, right?
18:17Like they will do anything to place blame on others where every, everything that happens was someone else's fault.
18:23It was an external event or circumstance or situation like they're the victim.
18:29And when people stay in this victim mode, like you said, there's, there's perks to it, right?
18:34There's they can be the martyr.
18:36They get to avoid feeling guilty, they get to avoid taking accountability or responsibility.
18:41Sometimes they get pity, right?
18:43Sometimes they get attention like all of these things.
18:48But what they don't get is they don't get to step into their own power, like you said, and like, take charge of their own healing.
18:54And it's something that I've seen so much in the past few years, so, so much, especially with social media and everything going on.
19:04It almost feels like the world rewards victimhood right now.
19:09Yes, we bond over the connection of things that are difficult for us.
19:13But then it goes to an extreme somewhere becomes everyone's identities.
19:17So your challenges are who you are.
19:19And that doesn't make any sense.
19:20On a soul level.
19:21It makes no sense.
19:22Exactly.
19:23Yeah.
19:24No, I think that that's so well said, but it becomes their identity and, and then that's really hard to even have a conversation about because then you're, they feel like their identity is being attacked, right?
19:40A lot of my work, Kris is really attacking identities.
19:46So I know the feeling it's my clients will say, you know, sometimes you're like a feather and sometimes you're like a punch because it's actually it feels like a lot to separate from the selves that we thought we were.
19:57And so I think that's also why I end up doing archetypal self healing in the empath program because it's like, yeah, these people kind of forget who they are.
20:05So they need to actually know different aspects of themselves in order to come back to even focusing on that, not blaming the outside world because that is what I notice a lot.
20:13I, I, you know, I did a lot of thinking on these highly sensitive people.
20:16They can pick up on so much, they're so wise in so many ways and yet everything is against them and, and life is really hard for them and they're always complaining about being sensitive, it made no sense to me.
20:27And then I started understanding, OK, what is, what is it that they're actually really focused on being their problems?
20:32Like how did, how did they view it kind of themselves?
20:35And often it was this kind of pointing at other people or saying this is always gonna happen to me.
20:40I'm just built this way, therefore that and so then when we do this archetypal work, you know, we do shadow work first to get out the gate and really look at, hey, what, what are these things?
20:50Maybe that you're not quite admitting to the fullest of yourself that are challenges and then the light work, you have to clear even deeper shadows, the light work itself to actually lighten up in life, to really get up to any more energy and to be more of yourself, you've got to deal with those things that were unknown and holding you back because otherwise you would have already cleared them because why wouldn't you just wanna feel better and wanna feel lighter?
21:14But we really don't know the stuff that actually holds us back from the light that's to me, such a darker shadow than people talk about.
21:22And then after that, it's legacy work because again, it's also too about like the impact we have on others.
21:28And I think if you're just so busy pointing fingers at what's outside of you and you don't take that journey inward, your own heroic journey, like back to yourself.
21:36Then you're always going to be looking out for the villain and be like, where's he hiding?
21:39What's he up to next?
21:40And it's like, man, what, like that's not really a way to live a life like do heroes retire?
21:45Do they get to put their feet up at some point in life and enjoy the safe world that they have contributed to?
21:50You know?
21:52Yeah.
21:52Very interesting.
21:54Yeah.
21:54And I, I, I like that you were talking about the, the shadow work within the light because it goes back to what your story like that woman probably didn't remember what happened when she was two years old, right?
22:05Like we like we don't, yeah, there's no way.
22:08So it's like we have to do that work and work with someone like you to, to figure out what's even there, right?
22:15Otherwise it's, it's just not on the conscious level.
22:18And then also to talk about the villain thing and pointing fingers like everyone's really a reflection of you anyway, you know, like these people are showing up in your life if you have quote unquote villains to, to show you something to teach you something to give you a mirror back to an unhealed aspect of yourself.
22:38So, you know, life is really happening for us.
22:41You know, we're not, we're not victims of anything.
22:44Yeah.
22:44And it's, it's amazing to me actually when, when people get so far away from their human heart and that they struggle to actually feel sympathy or empathy or compassion for their villains as well.
22:56Like that's something that I always found really fascinating is when some, some offense or atrocity may come my way in life as, as it does as it happens, you know, people hurt us in life.
23:09I would often be like just immediately trying to understand how that person could even come to that place to hurt me.
23:15But I was, you know, not even really tending to my own feelings.
23:17I was like, wow, why is that person really acting out?
23:21You know, someone should give them a hug, not me, maybe, but someone should give them a hug.
23:25And I would try to think on, you know, I wonder what they lacked in their childhood or blah, blah, blah.
23:30And really, i it's still not serving myself because then there's also my feelings at the end of the day even.
23:35So there is also a balance because I'll see some people with that imbalance who will come in.
23:39So sensitive to everyone else's issues.
23:41They actually don't even have an awareness of where they're at and their own feelings.
23:46So we were talking about that before is like, you know, what's even the point of all these,, these things, these receptive states, it all brings you back to the body because that's actually such a wise meter for how you're reacting to anything, how you're dealing with anything that comes your way.
24:02Yeah.
24:02absolutely.
24:03And I, I just wanna echo what you're saying, like when people are lashing out at you or causing you pain, like they're usually coming from a place of their own pain and fear and it usually has nothing to do with you, right?
24:16It's Yeah.
24:18OK.
24:19So, you know, talk to me about bringing it back to the body.
24:23You just said the body is a great meter.
24:25I'd love to hear more about that.
24:28Yeah.
24:29It's, you know, such a fascinating thing with the with the way the world went for a few years there with the pandy.
24:35You know, because before that I was doing in person body healing, right?
24:39So my, my laundry list of Thai massage and aromatherapy and reflexology and all these things.
24:45I had this beautiful little in person healing space that I was like less than a year into business.
24:50But I'd been maybe like I'd been serving out of my living room or, you know, so I was really just really working with people and wanting to give back in that way.
24:57And what I noticed when I was working with people is that they'd want to talk to me and I went, oh, I'm not really trained to talk.
25:02I've just got all these other skills, but as I was working on someone I might, you know, be working on their foot and a song would kind of start coming into my head or I'd be working on their heart and I'd really feel something that had gone on for them emotionally, maybe years prior.
25:15And if I would describe it a little bit, you know, they would really see,, themselves in what I was saying.
25:22And it really shocked me because it was so not logical.
25:25And I come from a really, like I come from being in like gifted programs and trying to be quite analytical about everything and it really was like, oh, I don't have any reason to believe this, you know, exists, but this thing kept happening and people, you know, they'd see me for two hours and they'd want at least half an hour of that to be us just talking and connecting.
25:43I wasn't, you know, any of these trainings,, that I was certified for then the pandemic hit and I went, 00, I've got to move everything online.
25:51I can't touch anyone anymore.
25:52I can't, I can't do this hands on work.
25:54And so I started actually just intuiting and reading into what was going on for people.
26:00And as, as actually, it's so fascinating how it's worked really in, in the timing of my life and career.
26:05I think it's given me a really unique lens on things because I built that empath program was able to learn so much more about the subtle realms, the energy and then now being able to work with people again, I'm realizing how it all draws back to that place.
26:18And that actually if I'm talking to someone over zoom doing this empath work, but they're so stressed out and they're so distracted with what's going on in their life.
26:26And, you know, I'll have like people's kids will come in and be like, oh, I wanna show you this toy like in the middle of a session or something, you know, you'll have all these distractions and all these things happening.
26:35If you're not able to actually take in for yourself, what's going on in your body and have a felt experience, it's, it would be really difficult for you to build a belief system.
26:44So the reason that hypnotherapy works so well is because people get into a relaxed state that relaxed state allows them to then really be with and feel these things without interruptions of what am I doing?
26:55What am I getting for groceries?
26:57You know, my foot hurts, whatever, whatever the thing is, any of the distractors.
27:02And so, that's like the through link that I've found.
27:05Now, any of the things that I can do online is all about myself also being in a relaxed and receptive state.
27:12I can't really go on a demonic journey if I'm tapping my foot and hiccuping or something like that, you know, it would just be so distracting.
27:18I wouldn't be able to, like, kind of go and let my mind drift to where it needs to be.
27:23And I think like, even in times where people don't do any of this type of work, I say my father, he's like, accidentally enlightened because he'll drift off, you know, staring through a newspaper or something like that and it's in that drifting off space that he gets, you know, the clarity of the wisdom, the, the solution to whatever thing that, you know, you were thinking through.
27:43But to me, it's like you're still not gonna get that unless your body is actually relaxed.
27:48And so what happens to all these villains, they're acting out of traumatic states, like I would say, narcissistic folk are acting out of some trauma state that they built as a kid that was like, if you really make everything about or if you only see things through your lens that protects you because if you were to start feeling into maybe their parents were fighting and if they started feeling into that fight, they would really be torn apart.
28:10Ok, then I'm just gonna focus on me that person learns over time that this is, you know, like you said before, it's a defense mechanism but then becomes like an ingrained choice, like an identity that, that people choose.
28:23So it's in that kind of, most people, when they do a spiritual journey, they have to dissemble, you know, their identity a little bit.
28:29I think that's really important.
28:30You know, it's like you've got to untether these things in order to figure out what is actually remaining and then you're not gonna be able to feel that stuff until you have less interruptions in the way being like I'm like this or this is my current issue or my suffering looks exactly like this and that's the way it has to stay, right.
28:47My birthday's gonna be bad every year.
28:50That's a choice.
28:51You know, that, that will stretch out over time.
28:53If you took that belief away, then it's just a neutral, yeah, a neutral experience.
28:58And hopefully with neutral experiences, we would then build maybe positive emotions and positive feelings, people like those, right?
29:04And so over time, I realized how everyone I worked with.
29:09Unless they were in a relaxed place, they weren't going to like come to that feeling of I trust myself.
29:15I know what I wanna do or I can get through that trigger or this situation makes it more sense to me.
29:20Like honestly, whatever healing mentally, emotionally that people are doing, it always happens from that place of actually being able to relax and receive.
29:30And that the way that we like are in our, in our, especially our western world, the way that we are in this modern age is quite reactive and quite responsive to things.
29:42And so it breeds a certain level of like sensitivity because we're actually, I think we're just processing a lot more.
29:48You think about the amount of words and images people see today compared to like in medieval times, you know.
29:54Yeah.
29:55Right.
29:56It's, that's a lot to actually intake and process.
29:58And so if I could help everyone in the world, I would help them like world leaders, you know, get to relax state and receiving states and then you're able to actually intuit what feels right.
30:09What is best making choices?
30:11You have three options, one's one, one's gonna feel the best.
30:15But how do you feel you're feeling if you're not able to be in your body for long enough, if you're not relaxed and you're, you have again, all these interruptions.
30:24Yeah.
30:24And that makes that makes absolute total sense, especially when we're talking about tapping into our intuition and reprogramming our subconscious and all of those things like there's so much noise happening, right?
30:37And unless you get quiet like you're you how could you possibly hear what's really going on?
30:43And al also while you're talking, it just made me think about how like we're born perfect, right?
30:48And like healing is more like unlearning things.
30:52Right.
30:53It's, it's like undoing all this conditioning.
30:55This crap has just been, like, piled on top of us, like adults opinions, but also, like, societal opinions and cultural conditioning and, yeah, it, it's, yeah, like, I think when you were talking about, like, how there's so much more going on, I was thinking about, like, like walking down the Las Vegas Strip or something where it's just like lights and billboards and people and cars and it's just like chaos.
31:19Like of course, it's hard to get down to your, your true inner self with, with all of that happening.
31:25It's like the world's like screaming at you.
31:28Absolutely.
31:28I even think that like down to a day to day you open your cupboard and there's like six boxes of cereal staring out at you and you just think, man I'm taking in, you know, tricks are for kids.
31:39I'm taking in Honey Nut Cheerios.
31:40I'm taking in.
31:41Oh, is, is it a granola day?
31:43And it's so many pieces of information.
31:45Whereas like in the past you'd be like oats, oats is all we have.
31:49I mean, you got bo Yeah.
31:51Yeah, exactly.
31:53Exactly.
31:53So all these extra decisions that come into our lives, it's like we actually, we have a higher demand now for this type of work in clearing that subconscious because hey, there's a lot more sticking in there nowadays.
32:04I really do think.
32:06And then also just being able to relax people because I think we are really, really quite reactive, quite, quite responsive to most stimuli.
32:17And it's not serving us collectively globally, for sure.
32:20It's very distracting like you said, you know.
32:22Yeah, distractions.
32:24Yeah, absolutely.
32:26So, you know, like you said, this all links back to receptivity and brain states and getting into that place where our nervous system can calm down and then we get to tap into these higher states of enlightenment and intuition and even genius, right?
32:41So talk to me a little bit more about like the science behind intuition and genius.
32:48And I know you also teach about like the vagus nerve and stuff like that, which also has to do with calming the nervous system.
32:54So, you know, I love to geek out on the science side as well.
32:57Absolutely.
32:58Yeah.
32:58So I kind of, I like to geek out on like the story and the myth and the, you know, the psychological frameworks.
33:04And then I love also to geek out on the, the actual scientific, you know, the the brain itself, how our nervous system works.
33:11When I first learned about heart, mind, you know, heart brain coherence and also the idea of like energy transference that, hey, when someone hugs me, we are actually doing a little energetic exchange and how sweet that is and, and how, you know, you hug someone who feels really calm and you end up taking that in and that idea of co regulation.
33:30It came up so much when I was doing Thai massage because I would feel like I was helping someone actually just unwind by sitting there in one hand on their back.
33:38You know, you really didn't need even more than that.
33:40That's why this, you know, compassionate touch has become a thing because it's as simple as just the transferring of your peaceful energy of your nervous system to theirs.
33:49You think?
33:49Oh, if you had a really stressed out mother and you're a baby and, and, and they're like, you know, walking and rocking you, but they're really stressing about taxes or something.
33:58You're gonna feel that compared to someone who's just like, wow, what a sweet baby I'm holding, it's just such a different energy.
34:05We take it in differently.
34:08The Vegas nerve when that first came up into my awareness, I was really, really, so excited that it was, you know, to me, whenever I read was reading about it, it felt like it was like a light switch on or off of this nervous system that we're trying to, you know, disengage, which is so, so reactive to everything and to have an off switch for that to tell people it's as simple as getting a hug or humming, you know, gargling, I don't know if you know this, but gargling water is like one way to stimulate and activate the vagus nerve into a state of relaxation because I didn't know that.
34:43I, I know a lot of hard to do that if you were stressed.
34:45Right.
34:46You can't, you can't gargle water if you're stressed, you choking.
34:50Yeah.
34:51Yeah.
34:52Totally makes sense.
34:53Like your body has to go from,, panic mode to, like, digestive or whatever.
34:58Yeah.
34:59Yeah, exactly.
34:59And you have to be, like, relaxed enough to also, like, not just drink the water.
35:03It's, it's just, it's a funny, it's a funny paradigm.
35:06humming, like low humming.
35:08which is really interesting.
35:10I love to sing all the time.
35:11So it gave me permission to feel like I'm just activating my vagus nerve.
35:15That was so fascinating to me because, you know, we realize how many receptor points that are major there are in the body versus just the brain as far as these electrical signals and nerve signals go.
35:28nerve and electricity, like the combination between those two things is really endlessly fascinating for me.
35:33So I love thinking of the body as a machine.
35:37And when I had seizures, when I was a kid, they would be absent seizures.
35:41So my brain would sort of check out and it was almost like my computer system inside my brain.
35:46It was like doing a refresh, you know, it was like, it was shutting down and then, you know, you could see something on the screen and come back up and we're like, ok, where are we?
35:55OK.
35:55We've got some of these same windows open.
35:57That's cool and just try to, you know, put everything together when I realized the Vegas nerve, if, if I had had these tools when I was a kid, I really wonder, would I have stressed out enough that it would even have caused a seizure?
36:09Or could I have actually like, stopped that engagement of activity every time?
36:15So, so, so cool to me, any Vegas nerve technique I think really opens up your ability to release that nervous system, buzz that distraction, you know that we were talking about.
36:25Yeah.
36:26Yeah, absolutely.
36:27So wait, OK.
36:27What, what kind of you had the absent minded seizures?
36:30You just piqued my interest because I know a couple of people who have those types of seizures.
36:36So, so do you think it has to, they're called they're brought on by stress, is that what you're saying?
36:42So, yeah, so when I was younger, that was what I was told about mine.
36:45So I had girls were bullying me at school, girls were really like harsh to me and I was really stressed out.
36:50We've moved cities like a a really decent distance, maybe a couple of years before that.
36:56And then it's preteen times, right?
36:57So you're also you have hormonal shifts and stuff like that.
37:00And it is more common for for females at that age to also develop that type of seizure.
37:05So it is very much, you know, stress related.
37:08And she gave me a,, my, my doctor at the time she gave me this book that Mean Girls was based off of and I don't know if you know this, but mean Girls, the, the fictional movie was based off a nonfiction book about, like, high school cliques and things like this.
37:24And so at this young age, yeah, it's so crazy.
37:26I didn't know this either.
37:27But it's really interesting.
37:28It was like where different people sit and it was trying to help me, like, understand social dynamics and why people might be acting the way that they were peers around me.
37:37But it was really interesting, it would happen way more often if there was a lot of stress going on, my brain would sort of just leave this world.
37:44And nowadays, that's my work is helping people leave that like super conscious state of mind and just go.
37:52So I joke now with my demonic friends that, that was just me going to the non ordinary realm.
37:56I just didn't come back with anything.
37:57I just didn't know I'd left.
37:59Yeah, it comes full circle too.
38:02Yeah.
38:02And it's common, I've met a few people who have these types of seizures as well and it is really common for them to have demonic experiences or spiritual experiences.
38:11And at that time, at that age, I was actually doing a lot of religious exploration trying to understand what were my beliefs at that point.
38:19And it was all a solo journey.
38:21No adults around me really knew what I was doing.
38:24I was questioning a lot and trying to figure out how is it that I feel connected to divine and things?
38:30And so it's not surprising at all that I would develop some sort of extra tension over working in my crown in my third eye.
38:37This is, this is the area that I was really working on healing.
38:41I was really, really active.
38:43Yeah.
38:44That's really fascinating.
38:45That's super, super fascinating.
38:46Now, you know why I'm so fascinated by the nervous system.
38:50Yeah.
38:50From an early age, I was like, how is this happening?
38:53Am I short circuiting?
38:55Yeah, you're like my computer is rebooting.
38:57What's going on?
38:58Exactly.
38:59Exactly.
39:00Yeah.
39:00And I would find any, any challenge that people come with in the body.
39:03I'm always trying to relate it to some like technological or sort of mechanical way of understanding things just because I think it's helpful to see it that, that way as well as how does it feel or you know, what is it going through your body, et cetera, et cetera.
39:17Yeah.
39:18So, so what, what haven't we talked about yet when it relates to the body and the nervous system or even archetypal self healing that you feel is really important to get out to listeners.
39:31I think what's really, really important is that people approach their healing work and their discovery of self with as much as they can, a feeling of lightness and curiosity.
39:44Because what I noticed in the healing realm is a lot of seriousness.
39:49A lot of black, why I need to know exactly why this is the way it is and I need to solve this thing forever.
39:55And like the journey and you know, they say that, you know, the journey is greater than the destination, but it's the journey and the joy I think of self discovery along the way.
40:05That really is why we are alive, like why we are here, why we feel pain.
40:10It, it's so that we oscillate.
40:12It's not so that we stay stuck or that we ascend and then stay basically in the clouds our whole rest of our lifetime.
40:19And, you know, think that we're above everyone.
40:21It's like 0% about that.
40:23And I see a lot of that in the spiritual world and online and it keeps people running at a really like high anxious frequency because it's like you're always trying to be something that's outside of yourself.
40:35And so this divine connection and this peace that we are seeking outside of ourselves, it, it super, super res resides within us.
40:44And so the only thing that I would tell people is just if you can lighten up and be curious, then it's going to have that process be a lot less painful.
40:53It's not ripping off mandates.
40:54Right.
40:54It's like, I don't know, how would you do it if you were gonna not just rip off a band aid?
40:59What's the softer way of that?
41:01Like?
41:01Oh, no, because it sounds painful to go really slow with a band aid.
41:05But no.
41:05Right.
41:06That's not, that's not a good metaphor for what I'm saying then.
41:09But I, but I, I totally understand what you're saying up until the band aid.
41:16Well, maybe if we keep working at it, we'll find the right comment below if you can finish my metaphor for me.
41:22Exactly.
41:23Exactly.
41:24And I have like, total pregnancy brain.
41:26So I'm like, not the right person to be like, no help at all.
41:32But it makes me think about like how everything is a spiral, right?
41:35Like we keep coming back to those lessons or those true.
41:39And I, I know what you're talking about with that.
41:41It's almost like a little bit of spiritual ego that can happen where it's like, oh, I've healed this thing.
41:46Like I'm enlightened, I've got, I've got this, but like life keeps happening, right?
41:51And there's gonna be challenges, there's gonna be adversities and, you know, sometimes it's a little bit of a knock when you, when you confront a similar situation and you're like, oh, maybe I didn't fully heal from that, right.
42:04Maybe, maybe there's more work to do and I fully healed is such a, it's such a ruse in and of itself, right?
42:11The fully healed is just a, it's a phrase that makes me laugh.
42:14You know, what's the, what's the point of that?
42:17Right.
42:17If we were fully healed we would be on the other side, right?
42:20But, like, you gotta think, right?
42:22So, something crazy would happen.
42:24So, you're probably not there yet.
42:26Yeah.
42:26Like I, I feel like, yeah.
42:29Yeah.
42:29You know.
42:30Yeah, it's interesting.
42:31I have so much to say about this.
42:32Like, I, I have a,, a brother in law who meditates, like, for five hours every day and he, he spends all his time with Buddhist monks and I think that's so cool.
42:43But I'm also like, I don't know if I could do that because I, I chose to come here and be this imperfect human right now to, to learn all these lessons and to, to level up and to learn more about myself and the process, like you said, it's like the journey, right?
43:01Like when we're in the midst of this 3d world, like, that's when we're, we're learning and growing, right?
43:10Like when challenges happen and, and when we're curious and when we're seeking truth and when we're discovering new teachings and discovering new healing modalities and discovering new people on our path, right?
43:23That, that's, that's kind of like the richness of life, right?
43:26It's true.
43:27It's like about going back to the hero, right?
43:29It's like, would we see Hercules as a hero if there weren't any of these trials or tribulations, if there weren't any monsters that needed to be slain along the way?
43:37, would we even be able to see him as a hero?
43:40It's through that challenge that,, that you can actually, yeah, grow into your life purpose.
43:45And, you know, I actually, I, I love the idea of just being able to be somewhere peaceful and meditate and perhaps there's some really, you know, deep thought and philosophies that are gonna come out of that time.
43:57I like you though.
43:58I think I called in these directions.
44:01We all have like a soul, you know, mission.
44:04I'm called in these directions to go into stuff that feels super challenging.
44:09Like I had a vision come through last summer that has stayed with me since about starting and, and investing and supporting in an orphanage.
44:18I'm like, that's gonna be really rough.
44:19My little heart is gonna have such a hard time with that and that's gonna take a lot of work and there's gonna be a lot of like, you know, hurdles that's just so different from what I currently do, but you step towards it knowing, hey, this is part of what you're here to figure out to be imperfect to, you know, stumble along the way and then that's how you learn how to, you know, keep running down the hill.
44:41And all of this stuff happens only by doing and not by sitting and analyzing or saying checked.
44:46I'm healed, I'm fully healed now.
44:48Or this person gave me a certificate and therefore I am, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
44:54I've read these books.
44:55Yeah.
44:56Exactly.
44:57It's, you know, there's so much books can give us and then there's so much life that,, you know, will teach us, perhaps sometimes the opposite totally.
45:05And, you know, just think about your orphanage example, I've, I've found at least in my life that I've, I've done all of this different type of work.
45:14Right.
45:15I was in, I taught English, I worked in tech, I ran yoga teacher trainings.
45:21I'm a coach author, but I found that they all like now that I'm where I am, I understand why I needed to do each of those things because they all brought this important piece into my journey.
45:34And you're like, totally nodding like you get it right.
45:36And it's, they're, they're seemingly unrelated but it's like you, you get that to that point where like, oh, I get why I had to go through that now or do that now.
45:45Right.
45:46Absolutely.
45:46Like when I was a virtual assistant, every single one of my clients was teaching me a very specific important skill and quality that I was gonna need for my own business later.
45:56Right?
45:56And working at the Alpaca farm, like there are so many valuable things that I had in that moment of life.
46:03And that's now a story that, you know, stays with me.
46:05It carries through.
46:06I lived in my van and then now I'm living abroad over overseas.
46:09There's this, like this, the way that, you know, if I wrote down all the jobs that I have worked, I have worked some strange, unique and, you know, it's been a very dynamic, very storied life for, for only being 31.
46:22Whenever I look at that I go, oh my gosh, I can't wait to see the next 5, 10 years.
46:27And how many things we can do with this one precious lifetime.
46:30So I'm, I'm similar minded to you and similar frequency of the, like, I'd really like to also like, squeeze every last drop of life and just keep going and just keep growing and,, and actually savor the juice.
46:41Enjoy the juice, right.
46:43I don't wanna wait for, you know,, whenever I've moved on to then sit and savor that, that juice that we've squeezed here.
46:50It's a, it's a constantly regenerating cycle.
46:53I run out in the fields.
46:54I grab the, you know, I grab the fruits, I squeeze them.
46:57I enjoy it and then I'm back the next day.
47:00And so it's like actually getting all parts of the journey many times over is the goal.
47:04I, I love how you just said that that was so beautifully sad.
47:08And I, I think, I think that's a great place to, to just leave it today.
47:13Because I, I loved our conversation.
47:15Thank you so much for taking the time.
47:18I love your perspective.
47:19Everything you're teaching is fabulous and I'm sure our listeners are loving your perspective as well and they want to know how to get in touch with you.
47:27So, let them know what your programs are where they can find you, where you are on social media, all that stuff.
47:33Yeah.
47:33After a lot of debate, I decided I am going to bring back an empath energetic round.
47:38So spring of 2024 I'll be doing another empath, energetic round.
47:43It's like my signature program of doing all this wildly deep work.
47:47But in a, you know, delightfully, lighthearted way, even though it's, yeah, it's shadow work.
47:52It's light work that brings more shadows.
47:54You know, it can sound kind of intense, but that's one of my favorite ways of working with people and they can find me online too.
48:00So I'm at hearts frontier dot com.
48:03or on Instagram, I'm shamanic oracle Kate and I'll be doing lots of art this year.
48:08It's something we didn't even touch on.
48:10because there, you know, isn't enough time in any one podcast truly.
48:14But I'm releasing an album of my ancestral pilgrimage story this year, that's my ancestors poems I've made into songs.
48:22So it's a lot more of like the shamanic coming home to self journey.
48:25So, yeah, lots of ways to interact with me.
48:28I'm on youtube as well.
48:29So I'm sure we'll share the links and things below.
48:32So, yeah, Kate Graham parts Frontier Ophelia.
48:35Goodness is my artwork side of myself.
48:39And yeah, I was really, really enjoying our conversation as well and if anyone from your sphere, you know, we want to talk again.
48:47I'm happy to do so.
48:48So thank you so much for having me.
48:50Absolutely.
48:51And, and yes, all of those links will be in the show notes.
48:54So if, if someone didn't get a chance to write them down as they're listening, you can always go back and Kate's amazing.
49:00So go work with her.
49:04She's in the Scottish highlands and has lived on an Alpaca farm.
49:07I mean, come on.
49:08Who knows where I'll be if, if we do a session, who knows where I'll be in time.
49:12But my, my clients are fairly used to me popping up anywhere.
49:15Now.
49:17That's awesome.
49:17I love it.
49:19Yeah, if you, if you resonated with this episode, please like, comment, subscribe, share it with someone you think could use it and be part of the community and I'll see you all in the next episode.
49:31Have a beautiful rest of your day.