0:00Hi, everyone.
0:01Welcome back to the Change Your Mind podcast.
0:03I'm your host, Kris Ashley and we explore the intersection between personal development, spirituality and science.
0:09Today.
0:10I'm really excited.
0:11I have with me a guest who's gonna talk to us about healing your inner child, which is something that all of us really need to hear.
0:18I think so.
0:20First a couple of quick announcements, if you head to the links in my show notes, you'll find a link to my book, Change Your Mind to change your reality.
0:27It was endorsed by three experts from the Secret John Gray who wrote men are from Mars.
0:31Women are from Venus Anita Mariani.
0:34You'll also find links to free downloads, free master class courses, ways to stay connected coaching.
0:41So please be a part of the community and help us spread the good word.
0:45Hi, I'm Kris.
0:46When I was younger, I went through trauma that caused me to feel broken and lost.
0:51But my life changed after I had a spiritual awakening.
0:55Since then, I've dedicated my life to studying and learning from masters all around the world that have helped me to create a life of fulfillment and abundance beyond my wildest dreams.
1:04Now I'm dedicated to sharing everything I've learned so that you don't have to suffer for decades.
1:09Like I did, I've seen people's lives completely transform and I share it all right here.
1:17All right.
1:18So with me today, I have Victoria Finch.
1:21Victoria is the heart healer, a two time international, best selling author, mentor and life coach who specializes in inner child healing and PTSD release with over 30 years of experience in the field of energy healing and personal development.
1:36She holds a number of certifications.
1:39Victoria is certified by the international Board of Coaches and Practitioners and the International Practitioners of Holistic medicine as a master clinical hypnotherapist and master practitioner of emotional freedom techniques.
1:53She also holds certifications in thought field therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, life coaching solution based life coaching and other certifications.
2:04Victoria is passionate in sharing her story of going from hopelessness to healing.
2:07So I think you're gonna have a lot to teach all of us.
2:10Welcome Victoria.
2:11I'm so glad you're here.
2:12Well, thank you for having me.
2:13I'm glad to be here too.
2:15Make sure I'm unmuted.
2:16Thank you.
2:17You're unmuted.
2:18I can hear you loud and clear.
2:20And, and yeah, that's, you've, you've certainly had a lot of experience.
2:25You have a lot of certifications.
2:27Like I said, I'm really excited to hear what you're going to share with us today and you know, I always start these conversations the same way.
2:35And that is by asking my guests to share their origin story.
2:38So what was it that put you on this path?
2:41What made you become this amazing healer and coach that you are today?
2:45Thank you so much for asking.
2:48It's interesting that the question is what started you on this path because I didn't realize what happened, started me and set me up for a lifetime of helping others heal.
3:00When I was about two years old, I had an incident that happened to me.
3:05I want to preface this by saying I grew up with a very loving family.
3:09I was the youngest of six Children and we were middle class.
3:13We weren't rich, but we had things that we needed.
3:17When I was born, we did live in a small house of only three bedrooms and I didn't have a place, meaning I didn't have a crib, I didn't have my own room.
3:27I didn't have my own space.
3:29In fact, all the toys were hand me down.
3:32So it was nothing truly mine, so to speak.
3:36When I was about two years old, my parents who kept me most of the time in their room asked me to leave their room.
3:44And when I left the room, I was told to go to my sister's room, which I did and my sisters told me to get out.
3:51Now this was early morning and then I went to my brother's room and my brothers told me to get out.
3:58I had two older sisters and three brothers.
4:01Here I am two years old.
4:04I'm remember this as it was yesterday.
4:07I'm in diapers still.
4:09And the only thing I could think to do was to go back to my parents' room and sit by their door.
4:18That was my first moment of feeling unloved, unwanted.
4:22Not enough.
4:23Something must be wrong with me because when my brothers asked me to get out, they said we don't want a girl in here.
4:29So that was all implanted in this little girl's head.
4:32And I sat by my parents' door for 50 years.
4:37It showed up in so many ways.
4:39It showed up in relationships.
4:41It showed up in being with men that weren't committed.
4:45I became very promiscuous because I felt I had nothing to offer but my body and I became a high achiever because I felt, wow, if I could get all of this high achieving accolades, then I would feel validated.
5:03I would be someone I would feel like someone I know that wasn't the case.
5:10And it took me sitting on the side of my bed.
5:15It was August about five years ago with a bottle of pills in my hand.
5:20Now I've been in and out of anxiety, depression for better, better, better part of 30 years.
5:27And I'm sitting there thinking, who would miss me?
5:31Now, I'm a mother of three wonderful Children.
5:34I mentioned I came from a loving home.
5:36But in that moment, in that space, I had hit rock bottom.
5:39I thought nobody would miss me.
5:41Nobody would care.
5:42I'm worthless anyway.
5:44It doesn't matter what I've achieved, I'm still worthless here.
5:49And as I got ready to take those pills, I just remember it's like it wasn't even me.
5:53I started to twist that bottle open and I lifted those pills to my mouth and I heard a voice that I say the voice of God, the voice of divine, divine that said, I made you on purpose for a purpose and this is not it.
6:10Now, I had done a lot of personal development.
6:13Les Brown is a mentor of mine.
6:16And I remember him saying things like there's greatness within you, Wayne Dyer.
6:21Doctor Wayne Dyer's words came to me.
6:23If you've changed the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
6:27And I got up, I poured those pills out.
6:31And in that moment, I knew I had a purpose and that was to heal the world one heart at time because I realized I had that heart issue.
6:40And if it's me, how many others out there that needs that healing.
6:46Wow.
6:46Thank you so much for sharing your story and, and that's so powerful and also the fact that you were two years old like that's you were a baby that's so young and to have and to have that memory and plant in you so deeply and have it take such strong roots.
7:06Like it's, it's crazy how the mind and psychology work, right?
7:10How we could take one little thing, you know, your parents probably just wanted it a long time.
7:15Right.
7:15I'm an adult now.
7:17I know why they put me out.
7:19Yeah.
7:20And like, you know, siblings are just, you know, they're, they're whatever, they're kids.
7:24But the fact that, that, that stayed with you and, and developed this, you know, idea of unworthiness is just, you know, I mean, it, it, it, it should be such a message to so many people that like, you don't have to go through a big trauma to have something really, really impact you.
7:42, it reminds me I have a friend who,, any, any time, like there was any kind of competition for anything whether it was like, I don't know, like an outfit she liked or a boy she had a crush on.
7:55If someone else liked it, she would like, immediately back off.
7:58And she told me this past year she realized it was because when she was like four, her mother used to run in daycare and all the her toys were being shared with these other Children.
8:10And one time she, her favorite toy was being shared with this little boy and she wanted it back.
8:15So she bit him and her mother like, threw her in her room and like yelled at her.
8:20And ever since then she was like, things don't belong to me and like, and it, but it's, it reminds me of that story where it's like, one little incident can severely change your psychology.
8:33You know, what, what is the psychology behind all of that?
8:35Did you ever, like, dive deep into, like, what makes the human mind work in that kind of way?
8:40Yeah.
8:41Yes.
8:41And it's so important and I'm so glad you shared that story about your friend.
8:46Well, because it doesn't have to be a big incident.
8:49I will tell you that typically when you have something that's that deeply rooted, it typically happens between the age of, between being in the womb and the age of seven.
9:01That's when we are most impressionable.
9:03The first, the psychology behind that is this the 1st 180 months of our lives is when we are most impressionable.
9:12That is when the brain is what's called alpha state, we call that the learning state as a hypnotherapist.
9:19That's where we take people down to and for deep work, we have to take them down to theta.
9:25So when we're looking at the brain, we have beta, beta is where we are right now.
9:30We're alert, we're talking, we're having a conversation.
9:34You go into alpha right before bed and right when you wake up in the morning and if you think about it in the mornings and in the evenings, you tend to be more creative.
9:44You think of more things and that's because you're going into that alpha brain pattern.
9:50And from there we go into theta theta is a deeper brain pattern.
9:55And that's when you can do a lot of the deep work.
9:58Because what we're basically doing is we're shutting off the prefrontal cortex, which is our logic, our reasoning brain, we have to shut that up to down to get into the subconscious, which means you also are more susceptible.
10:13suggestible.
10:14I'm sorry, not susceptible, but more suggestible.
10:16And the reason why this is important, especially working with people on hypnotherapy is like, oh, you're gonna make me crack like a doc.
10:22No duck.
10:23No, you're not that susceptible.
10:25We're not gonna do that.
10:26Now there's stage hypnotists, right?
10:28That's a, that's like only if you would normally do that after a couple of, you know, the freedom shots, right?
10:36But anyway, so you go into theta, that's right before we get into delta and delta is sleep.
10:42Delta is our restorative state.
10:44That's where the rim that you hear about starts.
10:47So the psychology behind it is that between the, between being in the womb and age seven, we are typically in what's called the alpha state.
10:59By the time we're nine, we get something called the critic critical factor.
11:05And I'm gonna go into too much detail on that, but that's what separates the thinking, the pre the thinking logical brain from the subconscious.
11:14Yeah.
11:15Thank you for explaining that.
11:16And you know, why do you think it is that we personalize so much?
11:20Like why, why do we take that one incident and make it into?
11:24I'm unworthy.
11:25I'm unlovable and it becomes this mantra that we carry.
11:30Part of that is because we are programmed to see the negative.
11:35We are built that way if you go way, way, way, way back.
11:39And the time we had to always be aware of our environment, we always had to look for the tiger in the woods.
11:46We always had to protect ourselves and we are trained to look for things that are negative.
11:54In fact, and I can go into the brain if you want because that's where our reptilian brain kicks in.
12:01And that part of us is that's what protects us.
12:04So now we're in protection mode, right?
12:07And if I feel unworthy or in love, there are certain things that I won't do because I'm protecting myself.
12:15And what happens is we grow up with these thoughts and they just stay tucked in the subconscious.
12:22So we're in that fight or flight response all the time.
12:26We're always looking in our environment for things that make us feel unworthy for things that make us feel not enough because that is how the brain works.
12:36We have some 70,000 thoughts per da per day and most of those thoughts are from the day before and most of those are negative and it's because that's how we're trained.
12:46So it takes work to retrain the brain with neuroplasticity, you can retrain the brain to see positivity in most any circumstances.
12:57But it also takes some healing.
12:59That makes sense.
13:00So it's just it's survival mode, right?
13:03And it makes me think of, you know, when you're saying we're, we're programmed to look for those instances of unworthiness.
13:09It's like your reticular activation system, that part of your brain that, that brings certain things to the forefront, highlights certain things.
13:17And I like that you said you're living the same thoughts as the day before.
13:20And you know, I'm sure you know this, but psychologist actually estimate 70% of our thoughts are negative and repetitive.
13:27So, you know, we're just on this infinite loop unless we get conscious and break it.
13:32Absolutely.
13:33So going back to your story, did your healing take place in that one shift?
13:38Was it just this this moment you heard this voice?
13:41You, you knew everything was gonna be OK?
13:44Or did you have to go back and do your own inner child healing?
13:47And if so, what did that look like?
13:48It absolutely did not happen in that instant.
13:52And that's what we need to understand.
13:54Just like we have to train our bodies and athlete, we do that with our mind too.
14:00What happened?
14:03The reticular activation, the system, the activating system you mentioned.
14:07Now, my brain is looking for ways to feel better about myself and I was on youtube and then we can talk, manifestation starts coming in, right?
14:18What you start talking about what starts what frequencies you start putting out there.
14:23I'm looking at youtube and I come across this famous world renowned hypnotherapist and she is giving a free session online and I went to that session and she took me back to that moment as a child, which is regression work.
14:43And she took me back and I was able to see that little girl and have a conversation with her.
14:48They adopt me while I was in trans and it was just eye opening for me.
14:53And I thought, oh my gosh, if I can do this and if this is a skill that I can learn how many people out there can be helped.
15:03And even after that, I still needed help, I had to read, I had to get coaches, coaches need coaches, healers, need healers.
15:14I had to, I had to seek out healers and coaches and people that would come along beside me because there were times when I didn't believe in myself and I had to borrow someone else's belief and sometimes we have to do that.
15:26And honestly, I'm always honest, but I'm still healing.
15:30There are still sometimes things might come up.
15:33And I'm like, oh, I know where that trigger came from because the first step to healing is awareness.
15:39Who's thinking the thought is it that two year old sitting by the door.
15:43Is it that 16 year old that got dumped?
15:47Who is thinking that thought, where is it coming from?
15:50So, once we are become aware of it and we are able to deal with it because what we resist persists don't push it down.
15:59I, I feel really bad when I talk to people and they have this guilt.
16:03Well, I shouldn't feel this way.
16:05I have a good life.
16:07I shouldn't, I should be happy all the time.
16:10And that is just not the case.
16:12And so once you're aware of it, you have to bring it up and you have to go to that space and deal with it.
16:18Face it.
16:19That's the second step to healing.
16:22Yeah.
16:23Thank you so much for sharing that.
16:24And thank you for your vulnerability and saying that you're not fully healed yet because I don't, I don't know that anyone is fully healed, right?
16:31Like, like if, if we're, if we reach that state of, you know, being fully healed and, you know, quote unquote perfection, like we're, our life on earth is probably done, right?
16:41We probably learned all of our lessons we're meant to learn.
16:44And I also really like that you said, borrow someone else's beliefs that's really powerful actually.
16:51because sometimes, you know, it, it makes me think of like affirmations, right?
16:57Listening to like Louise Hay affirmations or something where, you know, at first you're like, I don't, I don't feel any of these things.
17:02But it's like if you repeat it enough, you start to like, feel it in your soul a little bit and that's really powerful if you can't get there on your own yet, Don't re invent the wheel, start with something else.
17:15So did you, did you remember that two year old memory or was that something that came up when you went through that regression hypnosis session?
17:25Because I'm just thinking like, not everyone might remember this, this random moment from when they were two or four or five or whatever it is that had this like insanely pivotal effect on them.
17:38You know, how do you even, how do you even get to those memories?
17:42Absolutely.
17:43I did not remember that.
17:45I did not remember that.
17:47And as a master hypnotherapist, let me explain this.
17:52I'm gonna go back.
17:52There are hypnotherapists, clinical hypnotherapist and then there's master clinical.
17:56The difference is at the master level you're able and trained to do regression work.
18:01So you're not planting memories, you're just going back.
18:04One of the first things I asked my clients is, was there an incident that happened with you between the ages of the womb and age seven?
18:15Most of the time they will say no, nothing I can remember.
18:19And then we're like, OK, were there a time where maybe you felt a certain way and then they can pull it up?
18:25It's amazing.
18:26And then they can pull it up.
18:27Oh, I remember that time I had a client who was always trying to make friends with anybody.
18:34And the people she made friends with were not really nice people to her, they just weren't.
18:39And I just asked her the question, who are you trying to gain acceptance from?
18:47And she's like my sister, this is my sister.
18:52Never, I always felt like my sister never liked me.
18:55And so I always find people who don't like me because I'm always trying to get their approval.
19:00It's in there.
19:01It's just about asking the right questions to get there.
19:04Yeah.
19:06Yeah.
19:06And I imagine like once you put someone in that trance state, it's so much easier to access those subconscious memories too.
19:13Right?
19:14Yeah.
19:14I actually had no idea about that until it was brought to my attention.
19:18And then it's amazing because once, once you have that awareness, you can go back and look at your life and say, wow.
19:26So that's why I did that and that's why I did that.
19:28And it's, it, it's a freeing moment.
19:31It just, it frees you from so much.
19:34Yeah.
19:36Yeah.
19:36Absolutely.
19:37So you mentioned the womb, talk to me about the womb because right before this, I stood up to close my blinds and you're like, oh wow, you're, you're pregnant.
19:47So I'm, I'm like 9.5 months pregnant at this point.
19:50So talk to me about the womb.
19:53Yes.
19:53Am I screwing this child up already.
19:56I don't know.
19:57What do you do all day?
19:59But the thing is, is that babies in the womb can fail their mothers.
20:05They can, they know what's happening.
20:07If, if a mother is very anxious, there's a very good chance.
20:10Not always because we know biology that that child's gonna be born an anxious child.
20:15Maybe the child's gonna cry more, be more colic.
20:18Colly colloquy.
20:19I can say that can I but at any rate, so it's really important to speak to the child with love, to speak to the child with care and to protect and take care of your peace of mind above all cost, above all cost.
20:35And I say that to anybody, whether you're having a child or not, you have to protect your peace of mind.
20:43You have to pour from your source from your saucer and not your cup when you're pouring out help.
20:50When you're pouring out to others, take it from your saucer and not your cup from your overflow.
20:56Because as caretakers, especially women and men, please, I know you're caretakers too.
21:02But somehow we take that role is being caretakers so much.
21:06And men, I know you do too and you're constantly pouring from your cup, you're exhausted, you're crying, your slept self to sleep at night or worse, you've gotta go through a bottle of wine.
21:16So we have to learn to take care of ourselves.
21:19When you take care of yourself then that baby will learn to take care of him or herself and they will feel the love and they will feel the peace and the joy that you bring to.
21:29Yeah, makes me, it makes me think of epigenetics, right?
21:32Like the environment creates or the environment turns on or off the genes, right?
21:38You can, you can control so much by your outer environment as well as your inner environment and, you know, as mothers, we do that.
21:47But that's something I've thought about a lot.
21:49You know, I I lost my father three months before I got pregnant.
21:52And so I was still grieving a lot.
21:56You know, there were times when I was like sobbing, like crying and pregnant and, and then knowing all that I know about this work thinking like, oh my gosh, am I just like negatively impacting this child?
22:08But you know, you also, you know, I guess mom guilt is a thing you also can't.
22:12you have to give yourself some grace, right?
22:14Absolutely.
22:15One thing I do wanna mention, you mentioned about the outer environment and man search for meaning.
22:20Victor Frankl said, and I'm gonna paraphrase this.
22:24He said, lasts of humans.
22:26Freedom is one's right to choose anyone's attitude in any given circumstance.
22:32Now he was in a concentration camp and he realized that the people who survived were the ones who had the why and the ones who can control their thoughts in their situation and nothing changes on the outside till we change on the inside.
22:54And oh, I want people to understand that you may not be able to control your environment, but you can always control you and sometimes that takes practice and learning.
23:11Yeah.
23:11Absolutely.
23:12And you have that outer environment, you have that inner environment.
23:16And yeah, and that's, I mean, and that's why epigenetic, that's why science is amazing because it's backing up all of this Neuroscience, Epigenetics, quantum physics, it's backing up everything.
23:28It's so fascinating.
23:30So, epigenetics tells us that we are born with certain things attached to our genes, like the fact that we are concerned about self preservation, the tiger in the woods, right?
23:44That carries along with us, when we're looking at generations and if you look at generations and how generational people when you're looking back in generations, how you find members of different generations, they change and they kind of do the same things.
24:02And epigenetics says we can actually change our genes with the power of our thoughts, with the power of our minds.
24:09It's more deeper than that as we know, but it's just good to know that you are not stuck no matter how bad you feel or how sad you are, you are not stuck in that space, you can make the decision to make the change.
24:24Absolutely.
24:26So, you know, we've, we've been talking a little bit about healing the inner child, but we, we haven't actually defined it.
24:34How do you define your inner child?
24:37That inner child is that part of you that wants to play?
24:40That wants freedom.
24:41It's that part of you that is loving and kind and it's that part of you that has gotten you to where you are today.
24:50It's that part of you that when honored and when freed will allow you to move forward and the purpose that you may have, whether you know it or not.
25:01For instance, one of the things that I do is a chair exercise and during that chair exercise, I will have a client go back from that seven year old child.
25:13What would you say to that child?
25:15What would you say to that teenager, that 1615 year old, what would you say to that 21 year old?
25:22What would you say to them?
25:23And really what it's about, it's about freeing that inner child because my inner child was stuck on feeling unloved, unworthy, not enough.
25:32She was stuck there.
25:34So I had to go and tell her she was loved and tell her she was worthy and tell her she was enough.
25:41And when I was able to do that, she was free.
25:46Does that make sense?
25:47It does.
25:48Yeah.
25:49And then, you know, were all of those patterns freed as well.
25:53Then, you know, I, I know you mentioned that there were a lot of patterns you developed because of these inaccurate beliefs, right?
26:00So once that inner child felt free, did these patterns release?
26:05Yes.
26:06Yes.
26:07I mean, I stopped sleeping around.
26:09I realized that I was worth more than my body, you know.
26:12So, yeah.
26:13So patterns will, and this is something else that happens.
26:16And I have to warn people, the people around you will change.
26:22They will be afraid of your newfound freedom.
26:27They will want to try to pull you back down to them because they're afraid they're gonna use lose you.
26:32That doesn't mean they don't love you.
26:36They may not want to walk with you in your new business.
26:39They may not support you.
26:41They might say, oh, you're changed, you're not as fun as you used to be.
26:44It's because you're evolving and not everyone that's in your life is supposed to stay in your life.
26:51I used to have a sign on my door that said everyone blesses my home, some by leaving and some by coming.
26:57I like that.
26:59Yeah, that's powerful.
27:02There was that quote, I don't even know who said it that I always love people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
27:08And, and II I like what you said too.
27:11I talk about that in my book as well that, you know, a lot of times people don't want you to change because they're afraid that if you change, you don't love them, right?
27:23Or, or like if you stay the same you don't love them, right?
27:26So there's a lot of people's own fear and pain that gets projected onto you.
27:32So, what else about inner child healing?
27:34Do you want to share with people that we haven't touched on yet?
27:37Yes.
27:38Whatever you're feeling, whatever you're going through, it's so important that you take a moment and that you acknowledge your feelings and that you acknowledge why you feel what you feel.
27:51If it's something from the past, if it's a situation you're currently in, I want you to know that I see you.
27:58I hear you and you're enough and you can always make the decision to get out of what I call the basement of life, but only you can do it for you.
28:12Yeah, that's really beautiful because we can't force someone else to change.
28:15Can we, we can, we can be that light, that beacon for them.
28:19We can help guide the path.
28:22But unless they're ready to change and they want to change, we can't do it.
28:26Absolutely.
28:28And no one can make you feel away.
28:30Yeah.
28:30One thing about the inner child, the inner child can be triggered and no one can make you.
28:36Oh, he makes me so mad.
28:37Oh I can't believe this.
28:40So it makes me so angry.
28:42So how did he get your anger?
28:43How did she get your anger?
28:46How did they get your sadness?
28:47It's because you gave it to them.
28:50And perhaps there's an inner child crying to be free from those feelings.
28:56Now, that doesn't mean we don't get sad, we don't get angry.
28:59That's not what that means.
29:00It's how do we handle it once we get it?
29:03So when you say you gave it to them, you're talking about that person that made you feel triggered, right?
29:07That's right.
29:08So when you become an adult and for that inner child, that's still there hanging out, let's say I'm a mother of three, let's say my son came into the room and he said something or did something and I was just like upset about it and I was angry about it and it's because you disturbed me.
29:28I'm angry, right?
29:31How did I give him?
29:32He can't make me angry because he disturbed me.
29:35That's something I chose to do.
29:37Whether I realize it or not, I could have said, hey, next time, would you please knock or would you please let me know whatever?
29:45And I could have been more calm about it.
29:48So that's what I mean with.
29:49How did you give, how did they get your anger because I gave it to him?
29:53Yeah.
29:54Yeah, I love that.
29:55And you know, I don't know if you've ever read David R Hawkins work.
29:58He's amazing, but he, he has this great, he's a, he was a therapist, but he has this great idea that people with repressed emotions are like pressure cookers just waiting to release steam, right?
30:10So your outside events don't make you angry.
30:13You're already angry and those outside events give you excuse to unleash that anger.
30:20You don't boil over.
30:21So talk to me a little bit more about triggers.
30:24You know, I've heard that they are mirrors that they show you unhealed aspects of yourself that you can't be triggered by another person unless you have that same thing inside of you.
30:35So talk to me about that.
30:36What are your thoughts on triggers?
30:37Well, we do tend to attract what we are and not what we want.
30:41If you find yourself in relationships that don't work or people that are non committal or maybe you're non committal, maybe you're angry and as far as triggers go, I truly believe that they are from deep inside and until they're recognized, they will keep boiling over as you say.
31:02And again, it's really about recognizing David Wagner did an experiment called the White Bear experiment and what the White bear experiment was this.
31:12They took a group of subjects and said, do not think about a white bear.
31:17If you think about a white bear ring, the bell, the second group, he said, you can think about anything you want, including a white bear.
31:29The subjects who were told not to think about the white bear rang the bell more than the ones who were told they can think about anything.
31:39And that's how triggers are, that's how repressed emotions are because whether you try to hide them or bury them or not, they're going to come up until they are dealt with.
31:51Yeah, I like that.
31:51You can't just push them down and hope they disappear.
31:54Right.
31:54You have to actually look them in the eye and face them.
31:57And I imagine that ties a lot back to your inner child work that you do with, with your clients right to, to heal all of that so that those things aren't triggers because once you're healed, something is not gonna trigger you in that same way, you're not gonna have that emotional reaction to it that you once would have had.
32:14I'm not, you, you, you said something Sorry, go ahead.
32:17What was that?
32:18I was gonna share something that's really personal to me when I was going and hopefully I don't cry because I love my kids.
32:24But I used to yell at my Children a lot, a lot and I didn't realize that my Children were a little afraid of me because they didn't know if I was gonna just yell at them because of a trigger.
32:36And as I started to get this healing, my son, my youngest son, he would say mom, you're not mad.
32:46I thought you were gonna be so angry with me.
32:48I thought you were gonna be so mad at me.
32:50I had no idea.
32:52I was doing that.
32:53And again, that mom guilt, I've forgiven myself for it.
32:55We have to forgive ourselves because what we don't know, we don't know, we have to forgive ourselves and my son, he, he has forgiven mama.
33:02But the, the point is is that we don't even always know until it just stops happening.
33:12Yeah.
33:13Yeah.
33:13And I think, I think that ties back to what we were saying before with not even remembering those memories that, that triggered the event in the first place.
33:22Right.
33:22Like it, there's so much hidden in our subconscious.
33:26Absolutely.
33:27And it's, it's, it, it takes a lot of work to become aware of yourself on such a deep level.
33:33And I think that that's scary for a lot of people to even go there, right?
33:38To, to really look at themselves and, and look at their flaws or look at their triggers or look at their wounds and to do that work to heal, it's a lot easier to play with other people for your problems than it is to take accountability, right?
33:54You have to move from effect to cause you have to move and understand that you are the cause of what happens in your life.
34:01Now, when I say that people will start saying, well, I can't help that.
34:06My mother beat me.
34:06I get that.
34:07I understand that.
34:08That's not what I'm saying.
34:10We have to reach a point to where we take responsibility to how we react to things.
34:16Yeah, that is becomes us to a certain point.
34:20We have to make those decisions.
34:22And I think that when we're able to make those decisions, that's when our healing starts.
34:28That's when we can feel it and see it.
34:30I don't yell at my Children anymore.
34:32I don't, I just don't, when something comes up we just talk about it and then I go on and I realized something is at the end of the day living a life of triggers and high blood pressure doesn't change the issue.
34:47Hm Yeah.
34:48Yeah.
34:49We get all worked up.
34:51We get our blood pressure up.
34:52We, we, we, we do all these things to our body because we are in fight or flight and nothing changes except it probably hurts you.
35:01That's my point.
35:02Yeah.
35:03Yeah.
35:03The situation is still the situation and sometimes if we change how we react, it's gonna change how others react as well.
35:13Yeah.
35:14That's so important.
35:15Yeah, because no one's gonna change by you saying, well, you do this and this and this and I don't like it, right?
35:22They're gonna change by you becoming the bigger person and changing and they're gonna be like, oh wow, what's Victoria doing?
35:28Like Victoria is like really chill these days or really calm or really com community, you know.
35:34I think that's how you change the world and I love that you called it moving from effect to cause I've never heard it stated in that way.
35:41And that's so brilliant and you also said something really interesting, you attract what you are rather than what you want.
35:51Talk to me a little bit more about that because that makes me think about manifesting, right?
35:55And embodying embodying like who you want to be in this world as well as you know, the negative side of it like we were talking about.
36:06So talk to me a little more about that.
36:07Yes.
36:09If you find yourself in certain relationships, if you find yourself in certain jobs, if you find yourself living a life that you don't necessarily love, if you're not in peace, it's because that's not what's within you, you're bringing that to you.
36:28Every situation is either learning or not.
36:34If it's a learning, if you see every situation as a learning experience when I say or not or not, it's because you don't see it as a learning experience, you see it as this horrible thing that's happened to you.
36:48What if you took those thoughts and you reverse them to say this is what I learned.
36:52I had a business and I lost my retirement from that business.
36:57I lost my life savings from that business.
37:00I mean, I lost a lot from that business.
37:03Totally failed, threw me into bankruptcy.
37:05And I remember being very depressed and upset about that.
37:09And I asked a friend years later and I, because with my healing, I learned a couple of things about that business situation.
37:19I didn't handle money.
37:20Well, I wasn't informed.
37:23So these are things that I actually attracted.
37:25If I really got honest with myself.
37:27And I asked her friends a few years later, who worked for me at the time.
37:31And I said, do you think that business was a failure?
37:36And he said this to me?
37:37He said, no, he said, you learned so much from that business that now you have created five successful Bains, it was not a failure.
37:50So we have to look at things in a different way.
37:55Goes back to Wayne Dyer.
37:56If you changed the and he's not the original one with this thought.
37:59But if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change your book.
38:03Your book is about that.
38:04I believe based upon the title, I'm gonna have to get your book.
38:07How did I not know this?
38:08But anyway, I'll get this book as soon as we're done.
38:13But at any rate, that's what it takes.
38:15It takes that change of thought, seeing things different.
38:18So when it comes to manifesting, stop saying, darn any a good man.
38:24When am I gonna find somebody?
38:26When am I going to have more money?
38:28I, I'm so poor and you put yourself in this lower vibrational state.
38:33Yeah, that's what you're gonna keep see getting because that's all you keep saying and that's all you keep getting.
38:40Yeah, you have to become that which you seek.
38:44When you become it, you're going to get what you become and that's why we get, we get what we, not what we want but who we are.
38:56Yeah, I love that.
38:58And, and again, you're right.
39:01My book is about all this.
39:02But it's, I love talking to people about it though still because everyone says it in a different way.
39:10And you said so many things today that, that I teach her that I talk about in my content.
39:15But the way that you've worded, it has been so just unique and, and different than the way I word it.
39:22And I think that that's so important because someone could listen to my message 500 times and then they hear you say it and it just clicks, right?
39:30And, and I think that's really important, especially when it comes to manifesting because so many people kind of think of, you know, the universe is this genie in a bottle, right?
39:39Where they can just tell it what they want and then it just kind of falls into their lap.
39:43But you have to go there first, right?
39:46You have to walk the walk, you have to put yourself in that those higher emotional states, you have to embody it before it can ever be realized in your life.
39:58So I think that that's just just a really beautiful message to put out there to people.
40:04Here's my question.
40:06Yeah.
40:06On social media, I call it book face on book face when it's your birthday you, you'll figure it out.
40:12But when it's your birthday, they have these, you can set up these, funds, charities, right?
40:20And people can donate, right?
40:22And people can donate to it.
40:24I can't tell you how many people don't donate first.
40:28Hm.
40:29So you're asking the universe to give you something and you're manifesting it and you're day and night doing the affirmations, day and night and it's not happening.
40:41Are you walking in it?
40:42Are you taking that first step?
40:45It goes back to what you just said?
40:47Yeah, Tony Robbin says something similar.
40:51He says because he tries to get people to, to donate all the time.
40:55And he's always like, if you won't give a dime on a dollar, you're not going to give like a million on 10 million or whatever the right.
41:03It's, it's a state of mind like, and that's so important because so often we're like, I'll do this when it's like when I make this money or when my student loans are paid off or when my kids go to college or whatever it is.
41:19But I mean, it just goes back to exactly what you're saying.
41:22Like if you're not going to do it now with the tools you have available, you're not gonna do it once you have greater tools at your disposal.
41:31It's, it's who you are.
41:33You have to make that who you are.
41:35Yeah, I think that's such an important message.
41:37Lets you said I had to, I'm paraphrasing again, said that I had to stop being who I was in order to become who I was meant to be.
41:48Yeah, I think that just sums up this entire episode beautifully.
41:53Right.
41:55And, and knowing that who you were, is it your fault?
42:01But that your healing is your responsibility, right.
42:03So that's why you go to someone like you, right, who's, who's trained in all of these certifications to, to help uncover those things that you might not even remember that are causing all of this in your life.
42:18So I think I think it's a perfect time for you to tell people how they can work with you if they want to like where do they find you online?
42:26What are your offers?
42:28All the things?
42:29Yes, you can find me online.
42:31at Just Ask Victoria, you can find me on my website which is just Ask victoria.com, my email info at Just Ask victoria.com and then under my social media, same thing.
42:42If you just type in, just ask Victoria, the heart healer, you will find me so easily.
42:49And I do give a no cost clarity call.
42:53And at the end of that call, whether you decide to work with me or not, at least you will have some insight about how to start your healing process.
43:04Amazing.
43:05And do you do you when you do hypnosis, do you do it over zoom?
43:08Can you work with people across the country or?
43:11Yes.
43:12And actually hypnotherapy is just one of the modalities that I use and I probably use it the least,, because there's so many modalities that I'm trained in, it really depends on the client and what they're going through and what they can, what they're able to,, accept because we have to basically suspend our disbelief.
43:32If you're reading a book, it's just ink on a paper.
43:36But yet you feel the excitement of it and you're in the characters and that's really what it's about to.
43:41Same thing with manifestation is really deciding yes and feeling it awesome.
43:48And I know you're trained in eft and coaching.
43:51So is that primarily the modalities used when you work with people?
43:54Yeah, mo cognitive behavior therapy.
43:58life coaching, emotional freedom techniques, thought field therapy.
44:02What is thought field therapy, by the way, I've never heard of that.
44:05So Thought Filled therapy is a precursor to emotional freedom techniques.
44:11And for those who don't know, it's the tapping.
44:13You ever seen people tap?
44:15It's the tapping and thought filled therapy is the precursor and that it's all based on acupuncture points.
44:24So you tap on different areas.
44:28The biggest difference is with thought field therapy, it's more involved and the tapping and the way you get people into it is very different.
44:40It's a much longer process, kind of the difference between as a hypnotherapist being able to work with someone in alpha state versus state of state of mind.
44:50So it all depends on how deep that you need to go.
44:54Ok?
44:54Cool.
44:54Thanks for explaining that.
44:58Yeah, tapping, tapping is great and E MD R is also kind of in that general realm to realm as well that I've just loved doing as well.
45:09Yeah.
45:10Anything to like bring you into that subconscious level.
45:13Well, amazing.
45:14Thank you so much for coming on Victoria.
45:16I loved your conversation.
45:18II, I loved all the insights you shared and you know, if you're listening and this episode resonated, please like share, subscribe, send it to someone who you think could use it.
45:31You know, I think like we were saying, I think we're all on this healing journey.
45:36We're all headed back home to ourselves and life's kind of the spiral like you think you're healed and then you face something else and old triggers come up.
45:45So, you know, doing this work is hard, but it's so important.
45:49So, thank you again, Victoria.
45:51Thank you for everyone listening.
45:52Have a beautiful rest of your day.
45:54Everyone.
45:55Thank you.